1. Choose your best, completed Fiction Friday story. Revise it. Give it a creative title and post your masterpiece as a comment to this blog. Be sure to include that week's topic.
*Deadline: Monday, September 20th at midnight
2. Respond to at least two of your classmates' stories by completing the following steps:
*Deadline: Monday, September 20th at midnight
2. Respond to at least two of your classmates' stories by completing the following steps:
a) Cite two specific things (such as plot, creativity, characterization, tone, diction) that the author did well
b) Cite two areas for improvement and how they could be revised (again, consider such areas as grammar/spelling, plot, creativity, characterization, tone, diction)
c) End your comment with a question for the writer to consider
*Deadline: Friday, September 24th at midnight
*Note: Follow each of these steps. Simply writing: I agree! or Great job! :) doesn't cut it.
*Note: Follow each of these steps. Simply writing: I agree! or Great job! :) doesn't cut it.
3. As I have repeatedly stated: Anything that you wouldn't want your mother/mother-like figure and the principal to hear or read, DON'T post it here. I don't want to read it either.
This is part of your grade. You need to impress me with your logic, comprehension, and especially, effort, in each topic. Many of you have been getting very lazy with your grammar and spelling (check for misspellings, proper punctuation and capitalization, and so forth). no txt tlk pls Just because we are working online does not mean you should add in LOL, haha, j/k, :-D, or the like in your posts.
Reminder: If your post contains a significant number of grammatical and/or spelling errors or is just not appropriate for the blog, I will delete it.
Fiction Friday----Guilt
ReplyDelete"Babysitting Gone Wrong"
It was around 11:30 p.m. when Gwen finally came home. Her parents have been away on a business trip, and are supposed to be back in four days. It was summer vacation and she was supposed to be baby sitting for her mom's friend. Instead, she had been out with her friends all day and partying all night. She was supposed to be looking over 4-year-old Toby who she looks over every other weekend. That day Gwen decided to pick Toby up and drop him off at her friend Sophia's house, since she also had to babysit so she agreed to look after Toby for Gwen.
When Gwen came home, she checked her cell phone and there were 16 missed calls and voicemails. Those all came from Sophia. Gwen then wondered why she had called so many times so she called her back. The phone rang one time and was immediately answered by Sophia. There was a shake in her voice that spelled fear. Gwen asked her what was wrong; Sophia told her that she was in the hospital with Toby. Gwen's face was immediately white-washed. She told Sophia she will be there right away and hung up. Gwen grabbed her coat and keys and sprinted out the door. Since it was late, there were few cars in the street. Gwen sped to the hospital, zipping through the street dodging every car in the way. She arrived at the hospital, ran inside and saw Sophia sitting int the waiting room. Sophia had her knees up to her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs. Gwen called out to Sophia and ran to herasking her what happened. Sophia leapt out of her seat, hugged Gwen, and burst into tears. AFter a few minutes, Sophia collected herself and elucidated the situation.
Sophia told Gwen that she was having lunch with Toby while her parents were running an errand. Sophia just left for about a minute to get drinks and when she returned she saw Toby clutching his stomach and said that he wasn't feeling well. He ran into the bathroom where Sophia said he started to vomit so she took him to the hospital where they had been ever since. The doctor diagnosed the condition as a mild case of food poisoning. However, they have not released him yet because the doctors wanted to make sure he is alright.
As for Sophia's parents, they think that she is at Gwen's house spending the night. Toby's parents do not pick him up until the next day, and Gwen's parents have no idea.
At around 12:45 a.m., Toby was allowed to go and all three were headed back to Gwen's house. Toby was feeling much better. Gwen and Sophia made a promise with Toby. If Toby his tell his or their parents about what happened that day, they would take him to the park every weekend until the end of summer.
Toby had kept his promise and the days passed as usual. Until one day, Toby's parents recieved the medical bill and the amount due was around $800. Toby's parents did not know why they had recieved the bill and Toby was listed as the patient. Toby had told Gwen and Sophis about what he heard. They both panicked and had a wave of guilt wash over them. They felt they needed to do the right thing. They went over to Toby's house and explained to his parents what had happened and apologized for not letting them know earlier.
Of course toby's parents were not too happy. When Sophia and Gwen's parents found out, they were not grounded. They both had to work and give back all the money to Toby's parents.
Fiction Friday - Hands
ReplyDeleteJack Toole
In the quaint town of Hansville there lived a pair of hands, Mr. and Mrs. Toole. Mr. Toole owned a hardware shop in the middle of the city. Mrs. Toole was a stay at home mother hand. On the side she would be a gardener for whoever was willing to pay.
The Tooles had a son named Jack. Jack's dream had always been to be a soccer player. There was one problem with this dream. The rules of soccer clearly stated "No Hands Allowed... Ever"
Even though he knew the rules, Jack practiced persistently and played soccer in the park on a daily basis. Every single day Jack got better and better. His talents far surpassed those of the Foote child, Tyson. Still when try-outs came that season Tyson was allowed to play soccer while Jack could not.
Jack found this very unfair. He was a much better athlete than young Tyson and he was committed beyond a level of any Foote. Still Jack came home everyday hanging his head, because he was not allowed to play the sport he loved.
Jack came home one day and decided to talk to his family about it. Mrs. Toole was lacking work recently and Mr. Toole had to work overtime to be able to support his family. There was no time for them to spend worrying about soccer. Unfortunately for Jack it was the one thing in the world he wanted more than anything.
A year passed and Jack had become very adept at the sport. Everyday he got stronger. In fact, all of his finger were more muscular than those of any of his schoolmates. Jack had finally had enough of the discrimination in soccer. His teenage angst had become volatile.
Recently, Jack had discovered a loop-hole that would allow him to play soccer for the team. After school he ran to his father's store and demanded that he take him to the try-outs. Jack had discovered that a goal keeper was allowed to use his hands. It was even preferred over a foot!
Knowing how much his son loved soccer, Mr. Toole took his son to the try-outs. Jack was already an expert as goalkeeper. It had always been what he had been best at. At the try-outs jack blew the other kids out of the water. He shone brilliantly and made the first and second cuts.
In the final cut it was Jack and Tyson for the goalkeeper spot. Jack could now prove that he belonged on the field. Jack soon found out that Tyson had gotten a lot better in one year and that this would be a tough opponent. As they approached the field Jack had something that Tyson never knew about, he had heart.
Jack sent Tyson home crying and reigned as king of the goal. Jack led the team to be Hansville champions. They ended their season placing second in state, losing to a team made up of all hands. It was the best season anyone had ever seen. It was all because Jack Toole overcame adversity and proved to everyone that no matter how different someone is there is a great talent lurking in us all.
(Yeah I know, its cheesy)
...Hands of an Innocent...
ReplyDeleteIn a small dark closet hidden from a greater power, hidden from them both, hidden from any more hits, a small child cries silently, internally. He runs from his father, a father showing his child how they can be used: with complete stupidity, ignorance and hatred. While the child cries away, the father strikes away. While the child takes the pain he tells himself he will never be like that, he will never harm anyone that way. So slowly he cuts away. He cuts to let his anger out, and to remind himself of all those nights in that hidden little closet. Later on the child grew with the scars on his wrists, right before them both. The cuts reminded him of all that pain, hate and stupidity that ever led to those blows; all that could have ever crossed his mind but he will never, EVER hurt anyone the way his father did. The cuts told him that he would use his hands to feel, to love, to live with an expression of appreciation and every strike would be one of love never of hate, one of patience and never of ignorance. Those words were nostalgia of a never-ending mark, one that was given by those beautiful and talented hands.
How can one create and destroy with the same touch? How can one inflict pain and love with the same palm? The child never quite understood how. All he knew was that this irony was possible. It was because he felt it. It was because he lived it. It was because after an uncertain amount of time he became it. He became that same ignorant, loathe full, and impatient abuser -the one that whenever he looked at his wrists, he would hit harder, he would hate stronger, he would love no longer. He knew that his daughter had done nothing to him. His daughter had done nothing to his past. His daughter wasn’t the one who had hit him; his daughter wasn’t the one who had scarred him; his daughter was only the one who reflected him. She had nothing to do with it. She didn’t mean to “hurt” him but there was no way to stop it. It was done; she grew to be a druggie, a pleaser, a girl looking for appreciation. The appreciation that her father had sworn he’d give but never did. Her father was completely aware of his mistake, but he believed someone had to pay for his past; someone had to pay for the damage caused through those hits; someone had to pay for those beautiful, scarring hands - the hands that created and destroyed with the same touch, the ones that inflicted pain and love with the same palm.
Those hands had an impact on that former child. They had impact towards his body and his life. They impacted his future, his daughter. Those hands became a legacy of infinite hate, inestimable abuse, and immeasurable pain. Yet those hands that destroyed the childhood and happiness of them both were once the hands of an innocent.
"hands"
ReplyDeleteHands are a very important tool in our everyday lives. People can tell alot from person's hands and also physically accomplish many tasks. Hands can be used to hug when a person is sad, or as a hand to hold for one in need. Hands can be used for fingerprinting to identify who did what in a crime. Although they are very possible to live without,i feel that hands are one of the most useful additions to the human body. Without them, i personally would become miserable. Hands are useful for caring items and transporting them from one place to another. Also, hands are used for writing and also a form of communication. Everyone communicates with their hands in different ways whether its by using sign language or by simply waving a friend over. It is very very commom that hands are essential to playing almost every sport there is, and it is very limited to find one that is not. I feel that without hands it would be very difficult for people to be independent and do things foe themselves. We would needhelp doing the simplest things such as brushing our teeth or combing our hair. We wouldnt be able to dress ourselves or acquire our own meals. We all would require alot more attention than we do now. In a way, hands teach people to appeciate things less because when we want something we simply reach out for whereas a person without hands would have to take a much longer route in order to receive what they need. I also feel like hands teach people to appreciate other things about themselves that they may have hated or took for granited before. When we see a peron without hands or feet we immediatly envision what our own lives would be like if we were them. We start to realize that we should be thanksful for what we are given. In my oppinion, hands are one of the most useful amazing things about the human body!
Fictio Friday: Ticket Taker 8-27-10
ReplyDeleteIt was a cold blustery night in late November, dated 1982. The man in question was only a ticket taker at the small town theatre. Despite the size of the theatre, almost all the townspeople were planning on attending- even the mayor had set aside his best suit and tie for the occasion. A small performance was to be held, for two nights only, in this town. The little star actress from Wisconsin looked like a mini Shirley Temple. Dark brown curls hung to her waist in ringlets that bounced jauntily as she walked. Due to the well-known fact that she was the town barber’s granddaughter, she received free bed-and-board in a hotel down the street from the theatre. Her grandfather was so excited; he had been talking of nothing else for the past two weeks. Miss Lucie, the town gossip, but well-respected throughout the community, always had a new little tidbit of information to share when she went out for afternoon tea. “Did you hear, Mildred, about Brad’s granddaughter’s salary?! That’s absolutely ridiculous! Why. In all of my 65 years on this Earth, I haven’t made half that much. If she’s smart, she will put it in a bank, and KEEP it there until she turns 18.” He was only a ticket taker at his granddaughter’s performance. He was, however, perfectly content to sit in the back row, even though there was a seat reserved for him in the very front row. He was nearing his eightieth birthday, but his hearing was as good as ever. Not only did he manage to get a good seat to watch his granddaughter perform, but he also listened to the old ladies gossiping about her. He wasn’t the type of man to get very angry at other’s conversations, if he did manage to overhear. He was the type of man to never look at anyone or anything with a bad attitude. Some people whispered behind their hands that he was the town optimist. He always helped others look on the bright side of their situation. The lights went down, and the crowd went dead silent, as if someone had died. The stage was lit up with a single spotlight in the middle. Not only did Miss Lucie whisper, “Well, they certainly know how to keep an audience in suspense”, but the entire crowd was thinking the same thing. Just as the actresses’ grandfather was starting to get a little worried, the curtains suddenly split wide, and revealed the mini Shirley Temple, looking up at the crowd, and holding a microphone in her hand. When the first note drifted over the audience, they sighed in unison. Not only were they glad to know she was okay, but relieved to know the wait was finally over. It was like a waterfall of musical notes for an hour and a half. Music can be a wonderful thing, for all involved, even if there is a wait. Her grandfather was so proud of her; he decided to move his seat to his designated place up in the front. As he did so, his eyes never left the front of the room, and he felt his heart swell with love and pride. He couldn’t wait until after the performance to tell her how proud she had made him. At that moment, he thought nothing in the world could have made him happier, and nothing else mattered except listening to her ding. He believed that if she stopped, terrible things would happen. After all, he though to himself, I’m only a ticket taker.
@ Abby=]:
ReplyDeleteWow! I loved the awy you described how the hands had been used for different things, the way the father used them and now the way the by used thwm on his daughter. It not only expressed guilt, but also the pain and disappointment that one abuser can feel. The diction and plot that you used can really be felt just by reading your story. You are a great writer!
@ Sahara:
I really like the way you compared a person with hands to a person without hands. It is so true- how we live our lives these days, taking for granted the hands that we were so lucky to have been born with. Life would be so much harder than it is now if we didn't have hands to help us out. The tone you used is sad, but at the same time considering what our lives would be like if we had no hands. The diction is also really good. Keep up the good work!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete"Hands"
ReplyDelete"A Loss but Gained."
Hands are very valuable in life. You need hands for many things like to write, to give a handshake, and to hold and get things. For someone not having hands life would probably be difficult for them.
There was a boy named Tom. He was one of the best motorcycle riders in the world. He would compete with other motorcycle riders and would always win. A big competition was a few days away and Tom was signing up for it. Before he did a tragic accident occurred. He was on the streets with his motorcycle when suddenly a car behind him didn't brake and ran him over. Tom landed with both his hands. The man that incited the accident called 911 and they immediately took Tom to the hospital. Tom had to go under the knife because both his hands were injured. His bones were popping out and the doctor suggested to cut both his hands off because there's no other way to cure him. So they did and once Tom woke up from the surgery he wouldn't have both his hands.A couple hours passed and he was waking up. He had a feeling something was missing. He couldn't feel any fingers or his hands. He tried taking of the blanket but he couldn't so he pulled his arms out and he was shocked to see he didn't have no hands. He started screaming. The doctor had to hold him back because he was out of control. The pocked him with a needle to calm him down. He got calmed but kept thinking of what was going to happen to him. His life was going to change completely without his hands. He was terrified on knowing that he wouldn't be able to get on his motorcycle again. He had hopes on making history on his motorcycle but they were crushed. Once the doctors let him go he had someone to go help him at home. That person helped him on his personal needs. Tom felt useless. He would get furious when he wanted to do something by his own but knew he couldn't. Tom would yell most of the time and the person helping him couldn't take it no more and left him. Tom couldn't be by himself at all. They quickly sent him another person. It was a girl named Lily. Once Tom saw her she caught his eye. He felt embarrassed knowing she would have to help him on everything. She was really sweet to him. Tom would never show his anger of not having hands in front of her because he didn't want to be disrespectful. Lily would always make Tom feel like if he was like a normal person and not feel less. She decided on taking Tom to a place where they help people like in Tom's situation. He learned many things he can do without having hands. He was really grateful to Lily. She helped him a lot threw his life. He noticed that he had feelings towards her. He asked her if she would want to be his girlfriend. She said yes. Tom was happy to know that even though he lost his hands he gained someone that gave him a hand and helped him and knew she loved him for who he was.
Fiction Friday: Guilt
ReplyDelete"A robbed game, a friendship lost"
One day Robby asked his mother for a game he really wanted. He had gotten an X BOX 360 for Christmas, along with two games. Robby had over played his two games, and grew tired of them. He wanted to get the newest modern warfare game,but his mother could not economically afford any new games; and asks him to wait. Robby just could not wait.
The next day James calls Robby and invites him to his house to play video games with a few of their other friends from school. Enlightened he agrees, and rushes to his house as soon as he puts down the phone. James always had the latest and newest games, because his brother worked at Game Stop. He so happened to have the game Robby longed for. Without even thinking of what he was doing, Robby snatches the game from the cabinet and stuffs it into his backpack. He wanted to quickly run home to play with the video game, but he stays a little longer. The entire time they were playing video games and having fun, Robby thought of modern warfare. He was very anxious to leave, and could not take staying any longer.He quickly gets up, and leaves.
On his way home he decides to take a short cut, and jumps a fence. Robby does not notice he had made a very big hole in the bottom of his backpack, and drops James' game on the sidewalk. He finally arrives home, and runs upstairs,but his mom stops him half way, and tells him to go to the kitchen to eat. He places his bag in front of his room. While he ate downstairs his dog Fluffy was upstairs in search of something to chew on. Fluffy then runs into Robby's backpack and begins to chew on it.
Robby quickly finished his dinner, and goes on with his business to play modern warfare. Noticing that Fluffy was chewing on his backpack, he immediately picks it up, and opens it. When he opens it, he sticks his head inside to check on the game, and finds nothing but a big whole. He blames Fluffy for the missing game, and takes him out to the cold rain.
The next day at school, Robby notices that James was very bummed out. He goes up to him, and asks him what the matter is. James then begins to explain to him how he is grounded by his parents for loosing his modern warfare game they have given to him for his birthday. Robby then feels very guilty,he could no longer take the guilt. He commences to tell James what he had done, and how he had lost his game. James furiously tells Robby, he no longer wants to be friend with him and storms off.
When Robby arrives home, his mom calls him into the living room. He notices her unpleasant face, and a game in her hand. She tells him to sit, and embarks on informing him that James' mother called her at work; and that on her way home she found a game by the fence. Robby has never seen his mother that disappointed. After she finished telling him that he had done wrong; she picks up a game from a bag beside her foot. He observes the game modern warfare in her hand, and she then begins to tell him; how she had bought him the game, but now he has to give James the game.
Robby's mom drops him of in front of James' house. He walks up to his doorstep,and right when he is about to knock; James opens the door. Robby looks down, and hands him the game. He notifies him that he is very sorry for what he has done, and hopes he can be forgiven. James' denies the game, and tells him, "Keep it, I forgive you". Robby lifts his head up, and gives James a big hug. James then invites him in to play video games.
That day Robby learned that nothing is more important then a friendship, and vows never to steal again.
Fiction Friday – Magic
ReplyDelete“Road of the World’s Greatest Magician”
I have a great story to tell you it’s true. It all surrounds a young adult and his road to becoming the world’s next great magician. There is this television advertisement that says their will be a competition that will last to about a year. Teens that want to or already perform magic can sign up. Log onto their website and sign up; a representative will come to their house and check out there skills. The boy hurries onto his computer and signs the form quickly. After filling out the form they gave him a date to be ready for them. This boy has always practiced on his free time and his family is always saying that he is great. No matter what they say, he believes he hasn’t truly reached his full potential.
The big day approaches and the boy do a couple last minute rehearsals with his trick. His trick is to full up a balloon up with air, pop it, and doves should fly out. It works, but he has to try and stay calm otherwise it won’t work. The judges arrive with a camera guy. They enter his room and he greets them and introduces himself. The nerves hit him and the boy knew deep down that his trick was not going to work. He tried to calm down and again nothing. He does his trick…it doesn’t work. He tries it several times more and still nothing happened. The judges grew tired and decided to leave. As they left his house, something peculiar happened. They opened the trunk of their car and dozens of doves came flying out! The boy happened to be watching out of his window and has a blank expression. They all looked up at him with absolute shock. He has the abilities they were looking for.
He finally made it. He arrives and sees how his competition acts. The boy gets nervous, these teens look confident. The man in charge of this competition assigns each ‘kid’ magician an assistant and a person to work the camera. The job of the assistant is to follow them through their time there and document. The man in charge looks at the boy and it makes the boy feel a little weird. It’s feels like he was looking at something past his appearance. Like he knew something the boy didn’t.
As the competition wore on, the man would always address the boy a certain way that was different then the rest. He would always talk to the boy secretly and talk to him about many different things that go on in the mansion. The boy gets very interested and acts upon that interest. He gets in trouble and discovers a lot of very strange things. One day, the man calls him in his office and they begin to talk about a ring that will supposedly help the boy master his powers faster. Very eager, the boy takes the ring and says he feels more confident already. The boy leaves and the man began to smile, an evil smile. That ring he gave to the boy does not help the boy, but helps the man control the boy’s powers. Throughout the competition, the man puts the boy through near death experiences and the assistant suspects something. She investigates and finds that the ring was just a trick from the man to take the boy’s powers away from him.
The final challenge approached and the assistant felt that the man was going to kill the boy in order to acquire all the powers for himself. She is up on stage with the boy and she tells him what the ring is actually doing to him. The man hears her and tries to mess up his trick. The assistant and the boy try and take off the ring and it seems like it is glued on his finger. They both finally mange to pry it off and the man gets angered. In the end the trick goes horribly wrong for the man. He dies during the boy’s performance. They boy goes on being known as the world’s greatest magician.
Fiction Friday: Guilt
ReplyDeleteSitting in the deck, door's close, lights off, with no one in a distance. This is not what somebody pictures when they thinking of Nebraska but oddly enough this was my home setting. Pretty normal i would say, nothing causes a distraction. Neighbors are in miles of distance. I am a Rose, my mother recently passed away 3 month ago from cancer. I was left to take care of my Father and 17 year old brother. We have been a very close family my mother was the charm of our day. Once she was gone the house felt abandon.
It was a tuesday afternoon, everybody was doing the usual. Dad was out hunting and brother was doing his daily rotuine. I was in the back doing laundry when i suddenly heard steps... I quickly rushed to the front to greet father as I imagine it was him walking in. I was right it was him but he had an unsual look. He was furious, he grab me by my hair drop me to the floor and started to hit me. Cover in blood I remember walking through the front door, when he ties me to the door and starts to rape me, screaming and weeping asking for help.
He stopped stoped once he was satisfied, my body was covered in bruises, i was nothing but skin and bones.
Shortly after, months passed by, little did i was going to be a mom. I did not want that child so i killed it. The same night i walked to my father's room and stab him fourty-three times in the face. Quickly i left, brother was after me asking me to wait. He was confused to what was going on, but i didnt want to talk i wanted to get my revenge and knowing that my brother and father had an alliance i turned around and I cut open his head. Laying on the floor i left it, with out any care in the world I drove for miles and miles. Reaching a clif with no caution i killed my self. Why did i kill my self you may ask? many think it was because of the guilt. Other's say i was posessed by deamonds while many still think im alive. What truly is correct is something that not even me is aware off.
to AMY:) thanks for your comment and well, I loved your story. It was creative and the plot was great. I loved the way you reminded the reader that after being so proud and honored to have such an awesome grandaughter, he was only a ticket taker. In general I loved your story.
ReplyDeleteto Guadalupe:) Great story. I liked the way you showed his feelings towards not having hands. I also liked how you showed that you can get something good out of the bad. For example, the way he got a girl after losing his mortorcycle life. (Cute how you said that he found someone to give hima hand;). One tip though: reread your story because there is alot of simple mistakes but other than that it was great!
Fiction Friday: Hands
ReplyDeleteHave you ever wondered what it's like to wake up and not know what you did last night? Well Tyler asks that question everyday. Every morning he wakes up and does not remember what happened the night before,but one day he will soon find out.
Tyler is a really great guy he never shows anger toward anyone. That does not mean he does not get mad he just expresses it in other ways. He goes to bed at night really upset sometimes and in the morninghe wakes up relieved of his stress and he is over it. Everyday he realizes that the person who upset him the day before is never around. Why is that?
One day Tyler goes to school and everybody is talking about how the captian of the football team was suffocated in his room last night. Tyler was very confused because he had just got into an argument with him yesterday. Later that day Tyler was in his room and he noticed a football jersey in his room it was Evans' the captian of the football team. He did not know how it got there and he was very confused.
When he went to bed that night, in his sleep he felt cold air hitting his face and a hard sufface under his feet like gravel or cement. He opened his eyes and he noticed he was outside of Billys' house. Billy was a guy who had an alltercation with Tyler earlier that day in the hall. He looked at his hands and saw that he was holding a bloody knife. He was totally freaked out and he ran back home. When he got there he headed straight to his room and locked the door.
The next morning he was so confused as to what happened that night. When he got to school everyone was talking about how Billy was killed at his house last night. Tyler was freaked out he new that lots of people saw him and Billy arguing yesterday, he thought that they would suspect something so he went home right away. When he got home lots of thing were running through his mind; like what really happend that night? and Did he do those things to Evan and Billy?
Tyler realized that his HANDS were doing everything. Whenever he got mad instead of letting his feelings go in that moment, he would kill them in the middle of the night. His hands controlled all of his movement and every action and if he could not control his anger he would just keep killing.
That night tyler got so angry for what he had did and he could not believe he let it go that far. He was so mad at himself when he went to sleep that night, his hands did what they would normally do whenever he got mad at someone. That was the last time Tyler's hands got the best of him.
Keep your Hands
ReplyDelete9:00pm
Michael was walking back to his house after a long day at work. The street that he was walking in was emtpy with no cars,people, not even a stay cat and dog. He didn't worry one bitt, He was looking around at the epmty houses, buildings, and resturants. Still he didn'y worry one bitt, but then he saw headlights coming behind him, he turned around, and just as he turned around the car smashed into him.
11:00pm
Michael woke up and found himself laying down on a cold metal table. He was strapped down all the way from head to feet. He had a huge pain where his knees were located. He saw light coming from the corner of the room and saw a human shadow moving around. Micheal started to get nervous, he was shaking and even started to cry. The human shadow figure saw him awake and started to walk towards him with something in his hand. He couldn't say anything because his mouth was taped shut. He staeted to think that he was going to kill him, that he was not going to see the outside world no more, his family, but he was going to miss his parents the most. Then the shadow man came so close that Micheal could tell what was in his hands and it was a big saw.
11:00pm
Micheal started to pass in and out for about 30 minutes. He wanted to run away from this scarey place. 30 minutes later he noticed he was free to go, he tries ti stand up and noticed he couldn't use his hands to balance himself,he rose his hands up to his face and noticed his hands were gone. He started to cry yelling out of his mind he felt that he was useless. Then, he saw a note laying on the table. Micheal tried to grab it and it said "I got my revenge you made me lose my job, you thought you were better than me, now you can't be better than me without you having your hands".
Fiction Friday: Hands
ReplyDelete"The Case of the Dead Women"
It was dark and a strom had just reach the city. It was nine o'clock at night it was the perfect day for a murder to happen. The next day on the news the case. All the news said the unusal part to the murder was the suspect left a hand print on her neck. So I went to the murder secen. There I was greated by the head of the police officer.
There I was informed that the murder happened at nine o'clock to a women named Chanel. Once informed of this action one thought poped into my head why would some do something so violent. This was one of the case that happend before but was mot sloved where it happened world wide. The number of cases like this was up to twenty with this one.
As the investgation went on the CSI team made a picture of the handprint and sent it over to police. As the police scaned then picture into the computre. As it tried to match up the handprint to a suspect. The reaction of every one was complete shock because it was a person in jail. Plus, he was serving for a DUI sentce of a month. This part of the case confused the policemen so one by one the went to the guys jail cell.
The startling part was the guy was there sleeping like nothing happened. Carefully one by one they entered the jail cell. As they sereached the jail cell they found tools to kill people under her bed. He confess to the munder and admited that the security graud was helping him get out during the night.
Moreover, the trail started teh next week. THe guy was accused of first degree murder. While the security gaurd was charged as accomplis to the muderer of Chanel. The muderer was identified as Vincent and the acomplis was Luis. The trail came to a close in just three days. The muderer got life in prison for the muder of Chanel. While the acomplis got twenty years in prision.
All in all the one small mistake the muderer did lead to the finding him. In otehr ways he was caught red handed.
Fiction Friday: Guilt
ReplyDelete"Stood Up"
The lunch bell rang and my class mates hurried their stuff into their bags and walked out the door. My neck was stiff and I felt like a time bomb just waiting to tick and explode, and my head felt like it was about to fall off and roll down across the floor. Today was just going by too slows. The onlt good thing that I like about school was James. Everytime I would think of him, he comes popping out of nowhere and just randomly gives me a bear hug. We've only been together for a week and I'm already warming up to the guy. As I swirled with my chair and I caught a glimpse of James from my corner eye. As expected, he came to pick me up from class to eat lunch. I smiled, grabbed my stuff, and reached into his arms for a literal breath taking hug.
"What do you want to do?" he asked.
I replied, "I do not know."
I looked at him and realized that his cheeks were a pinkish color. He saw me stare at him and he quickly turned away. I stopped and pulled his shoulders to turn face me.
"What are you thinking?" I said.
"I just wanted to ask you something."
"Okay," I said, "shoot."
"Do you want to go to the movies on Sunday?"
My eyes widened because we have only been going out for a couple of days. I was still debating on whether this relationship was going to work out. I mean, do not get me wrong, James an innocent kid, but I already have too much stuff to handle. I saw his face turning bright red and thought that he Must have been practicing his lines to ask me out. So, I said, "Okay." His eyes lit up and he hugged me so hard that after he hugged me, i could not catch my breath. When lunch was over, James gave me a quick peck on the cheek and we parted ways.
It's finally here! The day of our first official date. Since James can't drive, I had to meet up with him at the theater at 6:30 p.m. I'm not really a girly-girl type of person, so I got ready too early. I had at least two hours left to meet him. I decided to take a short nap before I got to the movies. When my head contacted with my pillow, I immediately dozed off. When I woke up, it was already the next day. I thought, Oh My God! I stood him up. I checked my phone and received seven missed calls, all from James. I heard all his voicemails and he sounded disappointed and angry. I felt so bad that i had to keep my tear from falling down my eyes.
I did not want to go to school because of what I did, but I had to know if he would still talk to me. I caught sight of him during passing period and I went towards him. When I met up with him, he did not want to meet my eyes and I couldn't bring myself to speak up. I stood there looking like an idiot and I saw his hand clutching into fists. I wouldn't blame him if he punched me in the face, but what struck me so hard was what he said.
"I don't think this is going to work out."
What he doesn't know was that I hide my feelings very professionally and so, I simply said, "Okay." I started to walk away and I didn't notice that tears were dripping until I touched my face. James surprised me by grabbing my hand and spinning me around to face him. His eyes were wide and his expression showed sympathy. No, I did not want him to see me like this. I did not want anybody to see my weak side. I tried to pull away, but he got a good grip of my wrist. Why is this so hard? I can always stop my tears from falling, but this time, I couldn't. With a shaky voice, I apologized and he forgave me by giving me a soft hug.
Fiction Friday: HANDS
ReplyDelete"Speak With Your Hands"
Alice was waling home one day when her cell phone rang. She didnt realize as she began to talk on it that a car was speeding directly in her direction, as she was crossing the street. BANG! Alice was hit. She was immediatley rushed to the nearby hospital.Alice was unconcious and a flury of doctors rushed around her trying to help and takeof her. As Alice lay in her hospital bed her family cme to comfort her. By the end of that day, 6 hours after her accident, Alice finally woke up from her sleep. Then all of a sudden you hear a blood curdling scream and a continuous stream of slurred words. she was screaming, "i cant see!", "i cant see!". the doctors rush in along with Alice's family. The nurses try to calm her as the doctor too a better look at her. it was what the doctor had feared.the accident had caused Alice to hit her head extremely hard against the pavement. That caused Alice to loose her hearing. She was now officially declared deaf. surrounded by her family and friends, Alice too in the fact that she couldnt hear that sad voices of those around her or ever hear anything ever again, for that matter. Her doctor told her and her family that there was a nearby school for the deaf. The school was called Maenpaa Schhool for the Hearing Impaired.
Alice bean her first day at Maenpaa School for the Hearing Impaired that very next week. She felt all alone in her own silent darnkess. but as she was lead around the school, met all her teachers she was begining to feel better. then she met her room mate, Becky. Becky had been at the school for a year. the next day Becky walked with Alice to all their classes. their first class was sign language. Alice loved this newly discovered laguage. She was absolutley facinated by the fact that you could hold complete conversations or communicate just as effectivley as you could if you were speaking. you didnt need to hear or even see to understand sign language. To Alice this was an amazing discovery. After her accident she felt like her wold had turned upside down. but now she hd a way out a way to live her life as normally as she could. Alice immediatley took to learning the alphabet and words. by the end of her first year at The Maenpaa School for the Hearing Impaired she had mastered sign language and could hold a conversation with her hands like she was born to do it. For the rest of her life, her hands had become everything. Her life, her words, her connection to everyone and everything else. Alice loved her hands because they allowed her to communicate.
Speedy the Hamster
ReplyDelete(Poker Face)
As I sat there, playing poker with my neighbor I thought of what led me to be in this dreadful situation. The day before my friend, Maria, had entrusted me with her pet hamster. On her fifteenth birthday, her little brother spent all his savings on an adorable baby hamster. She loved that hamster more than life itself. Speedy was her life and if anything were to happen to him, she would die of sorrow.
When she went on vacation to Cancun with her family, she left Speedy with me for the weekend. I was supposed to take care of him, until she came back. She came over Friday after school with Speedy and all his belongings. Maria spent an hour giving me very detailed instructions on how to care for Speedy. Lacking a long attention spam, I just nodded and acted as if I was listening to her every word.
The first day everything went according to plan and I was doing an awesome job at caring for Speedy. On Saturday morning, I noticed that Speedy was getting bored, because he was strapped in that awful cage of his. Being the smart person that I am, I decided to take him on a walk. I found my dog’s leash and put around his neck. It was a little big for him, but it would manage. Speedy was having a great time, but a passing car scared him and he ran away. Speedy ran and ran until he went into my neighbor’s house. My neighbor Alejandra and I did not get along, so I was reluctant to go ask for him. Finally, after minutes of deliberation I took up the courage and walk to Alejandra’s door.
I nicely asked Alejandra for Seedy, but she closed the door in my face. I knocked repeatedly until she opened the door and once again asked for the hamster. To my surprise, Speedy and Alejandra had grown to like each other in a manner of minutes. Alejandra was so happy with Speedy that she did not want to give him back. I thought about leaving Speedy there, but I knew how much he meant to Maria and kept insisting for Speedy. After much fighting we came to an agreement, we would play a poker game on Sunday and whoever won would keep Speedy.
I was going to lose, because I did not know how to play poker! I was every worried, because my friendship with Maria was at jeopardy. I decided to call my other friend Casandra, who was the best poker player I knew. I explained to her what had happened, and she quickly came over to help me. Casandra spent all Saturday and Sunday morning teaching everything she could about poker. The hardest part was keeping a poker face. I could not stop showing my emotions. I would give myself up by smiling or frowning. It took me a long time but after much difficulty, I had the perfect poker face.
By the time I was going to play the actual poker game, my brain was fried. I was determined to win this game, but if I lost there was always plan B. On Sunday afternoon Casandra and I went over to Alejandra’s house. I used everything Casandra taught me and my poker face to play the game. As I was playing I was thinking that I was the underdog, and like in most movies I was going to win. Sadly, that was only in movies. I lost the game to Alejandra, but I was not ready to quit. When Alejandra was celebrating her victory, I tripped her and she fell flat on her face. We took it as an opportunity to get Speedy and run away. When Maria came back, Casandra and I told her about everything that happened. At first she was angry, but then she laughed and said she would have done the same thing.
Fiction Friday-Hands
ReplyDelete“Jane Doe - Case # 137”
It was 6 a.m. on a cold November morning. The flash of blue,white, & red alerted me of where to pull my car over. As soon as I got out of my car, with coffee in hand, I walked over to the nearest police cruiser. Officer Mitchell gave me all the information he had gathered so far. He informed that there was a young lady by the name of Allison who was from the area who takes a regular jog early every morning around the lake. Today she noticed a large plastic bag that had floated to the surface of the lake. She found it very suspicious & notified the authorities right away. And that's where I come in, on examining the bag I noticed a putrid smell, one that I knew far too well, at that moment I was already sure of the contents of that bag.
In the bag lay a dismembered corpse, with all parts included except for the hands. Such a terrible crime wouldn't normally be expected in a small town such as this one, but when you've been a detective for 30 years things stop surprising you. Millions of crimes such as this one happen everyday some even worse. I had become cold & hard hearted, highly skeptical of there being any good left in mankind. I refuse to believe that people are good natured. If such a statement were true the world would not be teeming with sick criminals who thrive off of the misery & pain of others. I suppose one might describe me as cynical, but I guess that just comes with the job.
This rough exterior that I had gained through work experience was extremely helpful. I am very objective on the case. I learned long ago not to get emotionally involved in any of my cases. But it was still difficult at times. I myself experienced a tragedy such as this one once before. Twenty years ago, March 19, 1990 to be exact, my one & only daughter went missing. I don't particularly enjoy going into detail about what I believe to be the darkest most heart breaking moment in my entire life. But I will say that four days after my baby's disappearance she was found, not alive however, as I had so desperately wished. When I received this news my life & all hope that I had clung to ever since her disappearance vanished. I was told that I had to come in & identify her body. I walked into the autopsy room & there she lie on a cold metal table I immediately broke down into tears upon doing this I bumped into the metal table causing her tiny hand to gently hang over the side of the table. Upon some sort of momentary insanity I believed her to be alive & thought that she her self had moved her delicate little hand towards me. I quickly grasped her small hand & put it up to my face only to feel it cold & lifeless against my cheek. She was raped & strangled. There was only ever one suspect in her murder & upon seeing his face my entire being was filled with a hatred like that of which I had never before felt towards any human being. I knew by the twisted smirk on that bastards face that it was he who took my baby away from me. Ever since her mother's passing away she alone brought happiness to my life. She was the exact likeness of her mother not only in appearance but in behavior & attitude also. This I found absolutely amazing seeing as how her mother passed away when she was only three years old. These characteristics of hers made me only adore her all the more she truly was the most precious thing in my life. And there stood the man who took it all away from me. He was never charged with murder. The judge ruled that no real sentence could be made if all the evidence was circumstantial. Of course I tried to suppress this thought from my mind but time cannot fully heal all wounds especially those as tragic as the loss of a child. When you've seen as much as I have in my 30 years of being a detective, & experienced what I have you would find it hard to sleep at night too.
(PS SORRY IT'S SO LONG & UGLY! >.<)
PART 2 (it wouldnt fit on the first I tried to shorten it! >.<)
ReplyDeleteBut back to the present situation at hand, the body itself was well preserved, which was not at all the criminals doing but rather natures. The body had been tossed to the bottom of the lake and the cold weather had lowered the rate of decomposition. The criminal must have thought this to be a great dumping ground seeing as how the lake was man made, purely for aesthetic purposes, & no swimming was ever allowed. What he did not take into consideration though was that the body releases a gas as it decomposes so naturally the bag would have to float to the surface eventually. The body was that of a Caucasian female between the ages of 15 - 20 that was as far as we ever got on identifying the victim. No missing persons reports had been filed in the last 3 months, & any of the common ways to identify a body were not found. There were no teeth, no obvious injuries to the bones or skull that might have occurred during childhood, the hair was dyed & frazzled & of course the hands were still missing. So no form of identification there either. The case remained open for six months after that, & still no progress was made. We had no other choice but to close the case. So with a heavy heart I grabbed the manila folder in which all the case information was held & placed it in the metal file cabinet at the corner of my office. Locking Jane Doe away forever until any further advancements in her case could be made.
Fiction friday : "Hands"
ReplyDeleteIt was a cold cloudy day in the middle of November, in a little nice suburban neighborhood called "Oakley drive",with children on their way to school, and adults on their way to their to work with their typical day to day routine. The day went on and everyone went back home again,until about 6:40 when Mr.lowsky and Mrs. Lowsky came home when they came home they noticed some thing very wrong and strange.
Their front door was unlocked and they knew for a fact that they closed all the doors and windows, Mr.Lowsky told his wife to stay out their and do not come in until i tell you too, she shook her head hesistantly worried of what may come. Mr. Lowsky grabed the umbrella in the front room and prepared himself , he called, He called "Hello? is someone in here? no response...
He looked in the kitchen and everything seemed to be in place, so he went up stairs carefully with his umbrella in his left hand, and his face cover in sweat, he took few steps up the stairs , with the the squeky noise of the stairs he went into the first room,no one was their but suddenly he heard heavy foot steps in the other room, running towards his room the person jumped out the window, and on to a tree and ran off, right away now mr. Lowsky had a safe in his room behind a picture frame that not even his wife knew about, he had valuable stuff he hada special jewel that was worth million and millions of dollars,he looked and got his combination out, and it was gone he gone mad! how would have known the combination? how would he have known to open the door?some one was watching them.
Apparently alot of things were not right, now Mrs.Lowsky called for her husband and the started to come into the room ,her husband was in shock on the floor, worried to death, she asks," what's wrong"?he held a secret and told her what has happened , she felt betrayed but sympathized the situation they were in. A jewel was missing and didn't know who it was that would know this personal information, they called the police and investigation.
They told the story to the police and the forensic team came in and found finger prints,behind the picture frame in Mr. and Mrs. Lowsky's bedroom.The robber was not smart enough to even put gloves on!they analyzed the finger prints and said this guy was known for stalking people and was in and out of prison for the last ten years, his name was James corrinson.
Mrs. Lowsky said she knew who it was apparently he lived down the block, astonished and scared, they would of never know whos it was without that guys fingers prints, known to have "sticky hands." Oakley drive will never be the same, and that jewel will be lost forever...sadly
To karen: That's sooo ironic that you story starts off in a cold november, I did not realized that until i published my comment, wow your story is pretty interesting very suspensful, Reminds me of a movie or a show like csi:miami good job!
ReplyDeleteTo:Lena your story had a persuasive grab to the readers attention, I like how its a relatable story to any teen ,how sometimes we can be iresponsible, and gives me a good perspective on thing good job!
Fiction friday: Ticket Taker
ReplyDeleteKelly's Ticket Job
It is a friday night, the Grammy Awards are today. Kelly is one of the ticket takers. Kellys not famous nor does she want to be. Kelly is an average persone with a job that just happnes to have great purkes. However, some times this job does have its downfalls. It is about 5:30 and Kelly is waiting at the door. The awards are about to start,she is waiting to take the tickets and let people in. Finally a shinny limo pulls up and out comes Kristan Stewart and Taylor Latuaner. This is kellys favorit part of this job she gets to meat alot of really famous people. She loves the roles they play and cant wait to meat them. Unfortunatly, the downfalls of this job finally come out. Kristan and Taylore are very rude to Kelly and pay no attention to her. Kelly hates it when people act like that, but then she remembers that there will be more people and she doesnt have to just meat them. More people continued to come and more people were very nice to her. Kelly remembers days when she hated her job like the time when Paul Walker asked her if she was having a wordrobe malfunction. those are the days when she wants to go homw and cry. But there are also those days when she loves her job, like the time she got a free ticket to go see Emenem in concert. Kelly knows that even though at times people are not to nice to her she still loves her job and wouldnt trade it for the world. Now tonight has not been to bad and she even got a ticket to watch the Grammys. kelly loves being a ticket taker and thinks it is the best job in the world.
Fiction Friday: Hands
ReplyDeleteIt was October 26, 1998. We were in a military base in Brazil, code name "maryalnd". It was a cold and depressing night. Calistro and I were on gaurd duty that night. We were to tired to talk but man i'll tell you we did a lit of thinking! I thought about this trainning we were doing. It was very brutal and left scars mentaly and physicaly. Then I thought about my hands. My hands have helped me to do everything; do push ups, take apart and rebuild my M4, high five my friends, drink water, and most importantly play video games! Humans are lucky to have hands. It was one in the morning when our sqaud leader/teacher approached Calistro and me. He had told us that everyone past the test! Calistro,Nyugn,Hawkins,Roderigez, and me were now afficaily Black Ops members! I remembered that day like it was an hour ago. I think we are stronger now more than ever!
"Why are hands necessary?" asked Professor Greens "Why are they needed?” I asked myself I mean, I work fine with only one hand, imagine what I can do with no hands? So many possibilities! "Melanie?” whispered Sophie, "you're wandering into wonderland again." "Oh” I say since that was all I could say and I thought about that subject again. All my life I have had to work with one arm, which meant I had to work with one hand. I have noticed it but I try not to pay that much attention to it. I do see everyone else with two hands but it doesn't really bother me as much anymore. Of course the story is different when i was young and naive I would cry to my mama and ask her why I wasn't "normal". This went from elementary to middle school but in middle school, things got a lot tougher. I became depressed and began to seclude myself. I had this belief that no one would want to hang out with a freak of nature and it came to a point where I just couldn't handle it and I almost killed myself. Imagine this, a 13 year old, one armed girl trying to overdose. It was a calm day on my street and my parents and younger sister had gone to visit my grandparents and my older brother was at work. I go into the medicine cabinet and I find them, PAIN RELIEVERS! I hear church music in the background and I have found my savior that will free me from this hell. Without a second thought, I swallow the pills but what was unexpected was that my brother comes home for lunch instead of going out to eat with his coworkers. My brother thus became my guardian angel it was he who found me thrown across the couch, unconcious, eyes rolled back, and body limp. He took me to the hospital, speed demon trying to rescue the poor little princess then after I had my stomach pumped, which was gruesomely painful by the way, and before my parents arrived, my brother entered, went up to me and looked me straight in the eye. SLAP! across my face his hand goes and I don't remember feeling the sting of the slap but I remember clearly the pain in his big brown eyes. So much hurt in just one look was powerful enough to bring tears to my eyes; it was as if a flood just exploded from my eyes. From that day forward I changed a lot, I was practically born into a frustrated young girl who never wanted to see that look of pain in her heroes’ eyes again. I was looked at very closely from that day forward, every step was followed, every movement was watched. I also started to run because I figured that since I can't really play softball well and I'm not really fit for water polo then I might as well focus on my legs. -RIINNGG- There goes the bell, day classes are over and I'm suddenly swept back up into the college life stream. Who would have thought that this demented, twisted little girl would have made it this far? Well that’s exactly what happened. I went from suicidal and frustrated to an educated young woman with aspirations of being a psychologist. I single-handedly change into my running gear and yes, I became addicted to running. I began to feel suffocated after the hospital incident and I just needed an escape for a few hours so I turned to the track as my extra curricular activity. I felt suffocated and haunted by that memory of that damned day so I started running and it was as if I grew wings, it was uplifting and so so freeing. My legs started shaping up and I got fit as a plus also it didn’t require the use of both hands, though that would be helpful, I run perfectly fine without the use of two arms/hands. When I run it is like there is no one around, it saved me as well. My two great treasures: my brother Andrew and running. I can confide in both to always help me clear my mind and to always be there for me. Your feet are there for you, I honestly don't find them as a necessity but legs on the other hand are a complete must-have. I know now that I can make something out of nothing, or half of nothing. I don't need hands, just a path and my legs.
ReplyDeleteFiction Friday: Magic
ReplyDelete"The Magic of a Miracle"
I watched a romantic, comidy, drama, fictional show called "Kanon". Yuichi,17 years old, goes back to a same, rural town he visited seven years ago. He doesn't have any memory of what happened back then, though he remembers actually being there.
Now, he is living with his cousin and her mom in the town. One day, after school,while he is wandering around the shopping district a girl jumps out of an ally, and attacks him! Yuichi, with hight as his advantage, holds her heads at a distance while she flails her arms at him. He waits for her to cease the attack, and asks her why she did that. The girl replies, "I don't know, but I know I have a grudge against you for some reason." Yuichi found out that she didn't remember anything accept her name, Makoto. Makoto couldn't remember where she lived, so Yuichi suggested she stay at his cousin's house. Now, she is living with them while his cousin's mom searches for her parents. Makoto would constantly try to pull pranks on Yuichi to get revenge for her unknown grudge. She tried to throw fire crakers in his bedroom while he was sleeping, but he threw them back at her. Makoto was fine, but the noise woke everyone up.
Yuichi asked his fellow students at school if they knew anything about Makoto. A suspicious girl pretended not to know, but he didn't inquire on the subject further. As Yuichi got closer to Makoto he began reminiscing about a injured fox he nursed back to health seven years ago. He named it Makoto, after a older girl he talked to, and grew to love it. When he had to leave town, to move back in with his parents, he regretfully left his beloved Makoto in the forest.
Soon Makoto-the girl-became unable to hold her chopsticks; Yuichi was worried so he begged the suspicious girl to tell him what she knew. She told him that Makoto is a walking miracle; she's a fox with a temporary human body. Makoto wanted to see Yuichi after so many years that she gave up her memory and health for a human body, and now she is losing her human traits. She also said that Makoto will die when she gets a high fever.
Yuichi devoted all his time to Makoto without telling her of her doomed fate. Makoto got a fever, so he skipped school to be with her. He held her hand as if clinging to her life, and fell asleep beside her. The next morning, she was alive, but Yuichi knew she couldn't live long. He went out, had fun with her, and bought her a bell bracelet, that she picked out. She had a second fever, and managed to live through that too. Yuichi wanted to do something special for her; he remembered this book he read to her about a couple getting married. Makoto said she wanted to marry Yuichi then, so he decided he would do that for her now. He bought a veil, and took her up to a hill overlooking the city. He put the veil on her head and said, "I love you." They sat together, and Yuichi made her play with the bell bracelet. Her hand went limp, he became frantic, and she magically disapeared. He cried for a while, but went on with his life still remembering her.
"Why are hands necessary?" asked Professor Greens "Why are they needed?” I asked myself. I mean, I work fine with only one hand, imagine what I can do with no hands? Endless possibilities! "Melanie?” whispered Sophie, "you're wandering into wonderland again." "Oh” I say since that was all I could say and I thought about that subject again. All my life I have had to work with one arm, which meant I had to work with one hand. I have noticed it but I try not to pay that much attention to it. Of course the story is different when i was young and naive. I would cry to my mama and ask her why I wasn't "normal". This went from elementary to middle school but in middle school, things got a lot tougher. I became so depressed and began to seclude myself because I had this belief that no one would want to hang out with a freak of nature. I didn't even want to be me and it came to a point where I just couldn't handle it anymore. I almost killed myself, imagine this, a 13 year old, one armed girl trying to overdose. It was a calm day on my street and my parents and younger sister had gone to visit my grandparents and my older brother was at work. In the bathroom I find them, PAIN RELIEVERS! I hear church music in the background; I have found my savior that will free me from this hell. Without a second thought, I swallow the pills but what was unexpected was that my brother comes home for lunch instead of going out to eat with his coworkers. That was the day my brother became my savior, my guardian angel. He found me thrown across the couch, unconcious, eyes rolled back, and body limp and took me to the hospital. Speed demon trying to rescue the poor little princess then after I had my stomach pumped, which was gruesomely painful by the way, and before my parents arrived, my brother went up to me and looked me straight in the eye. SLAP! across my face his hand goes, I don't remember feeling the sting of the slap but I remember clearly the pain in his big brown eyes. So much hurt in just one look was powerful enough to bring tears to my eyes; it was as if a flood just exploded from my eyes and he held me and we cried until my parents arrived. From that day forward I changed a lot, I was born into a frustrated young girl who never wanted to see that look of pain in her heroes’ eyes again. I was looked at very closely from that day forward, every step was followed, every movement was watched. I also started to run. I figured that since I can't really play softball well and I'm not really fit for water polo then I might as well focus on my legs. -RIIIINNNGGG!- There goes the bell, day classes are over and I'm suddenly swept back up into the college life stream. Who would have thought that this demented, twisted little girl would have made it this far? Well that’s exactly what happened. I went from suicidal and frustrated to an educated young woman with aspirations of being a psychologist. I single-handedly change into my running gear and yes, I became addicted to running. I began to feel suffocated after the hospital incident and I just needed an escape for a few hours so I turned to the track into my extra curricular activity. I felt suffocated and haunted by that memory of that damned day so I started running and it was as if I grew wings, it was uplifting and so so freeing. My legs started shaping up and I got fit as a plus and it also didn’t require the use of both hands, I run perfectly fine without the use of two arms/hands. When I run it is like there is no one around, it saved me as well. My two great treasures: my brother Andrew and running. I can confide in both to always help me clear my mind and to always be there for me. Your feet are there for you and I honestly don't find hands as a necessity but legs on the other hand are a complete must-have. I know now that I can make something out of nothing or half of nothing. I don't need hands, just a path and my legs.
ReplyDeleteFiction Friday - Hands
ReplyDeleteA wise man told me...
My grandfather always told me, "there are two types of men. Ones with soft hands, and men with hands like mine." I never understood what he was talking about before. But my mom explained to me, my grandfather isn't what he wants to be. I noticed his hands were beaten, seemed broken,and dry from the harsh sands of time. He was always an obvious hard worker,but for some reason, he didn't have the pride you would expect. They were more of cursed battle scars to him. All that time I was wondering, I kept thinking maybe he was just getting old. Maybe he was just rambling that day. He joked with me, "women like a man whose good with his hands, but they complain when they feel like sand paper." I came to a conclusion, though it was only while writing this. He doesnt want me to be like him, a man who has always had to work hard all his life, maybe even harder than the ones around him. A man like that isn't necessarily happy. But why isn't he happy? A man with softer hands doesn't hold the same honor as one who tell stories, with the scars to prove them. They don't have anything to tell, not anything good anyway. My grandfather, as old as he is, regrets most of his past. I know he'll never directly admit it, but, you can hear it in his voice when he talks. You can tell by the way he looks at his hands. I believe he should be proud about his accomplishments, though he doesnt deem them as such. Makes me wonder what kind of peson do I want to be. One with soft hands, who works smarter? Or one who can get the job done, but sacrifices his palms to tell stories.
Fiction Friday Hands:
ReplyDeleteHands that Created Masterpieces
Once there lived a pair of hands. These hands are like your typical hands, except these pairs of hands did something that other hands could not, and that was create masterpieces. These hands could do it all paint, sculpt, invent you name it and the hands could do it. Though these hands may have lived so long ago the masterpieces created, and inventions that could not be perfected, due to lack of proper technology are still around today.
These hands lived during one of mankinds best times to be alive the Renaissance. The typical day of the hands was wake up eat breakfast,create a masterpiece,eat lunch,create a masterpiece,eat dinner create a masterpiece then go to bed. That was basically the typical day of the hands unless the hands felt like squeezing in a brainstorming session to create new inventions in between.
One day the pair of hands set up an empty canvas and with the colors of the rainbow created one of the most famous paintings in the world The Last Supper. At that time of course the hands did not realize how much fame that painting and many others would bring, so when the hands were finished the painting was shoved into a closet were it collected dust.
In the meantime these hands drew up a new blue print which would allow a man to fly like a bird. It consisted of a man being strapped to a harness with two wings attached. All the man had to do was flap and he would fly. Unfortunately the physics were off the hands created a flying machine that would support the weight of hands not a whole man. It was back to the drawing board, and eventually the blueprints were also stuffed in the closet along with The Last Supper.
So again the hand pulled out another canvas and with the colors of the rainbow created another famous painting The Mona Lisa. While painting this, painting the hands incorporated 3-D mechanics to make it seem as if she was staring at you no matter where you stand. When the painting was finished it was stuffed in the closet along with The Last Supper and the blueprints.
The hands started a new blueprint for a machine that would allow you to also fly. This time though the machine allowed you to sit upright and maneuver the machine. Again though the hands ran into a problem yes it hand hands to steer but no feet to pedal. It was back to the drawing board and eventually the closet.
As these hands aged it painted and invented wonderful and marvelous things. The hands did not believe this so painting after painting and invention after invention they made there way into the closet.
As time passed the treasures in the closet remained hidden all because the hands of Leonardo Da Vinci believed that they were not good enough.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete-The Ticket Taker [P.S.this is the only complete fiction Friday paper i have(: ]
ReplyDelete"Tickets Anyone?"
Ticket taker? ticket taker? What the heck is a ticket taker?! Well, a ticket taker is when the person simply takes the tickets from person who is attending the event. What if the tickets are for the Emmy's or the Grammy's?! That must be at least a little disappointing,right?
Well, the ticket taker isn't all that bad, I mean look at it, they get to watch the big movie stars or celebrities walk in. That must be a sight to see! I wouldn't mind standing there taking tickets watching celebrities go in the venue to receive an award for doing a good job.
Oh my god!? What if you were the ticket taker? Then, you would be seeing all the celebrities! You may even get to greet or even make some kind of eye contact with your celebrity crush! Now, that I really think about it, I think it wouldn't be that bad being the ticket taker. Because then I would be able to see them myself! I would have to wear a suit and tie, just to go stand while take tickets. I actually would like to dress up, or formal.
Next, just imagine seeing your favorite actor or star, hanging out with another one of your favorite stars! That would blow my mind! Picture yourself at the VMA's and Katy Perry is walking down the carpet but, you notice her take a glance at you then looks at you again because you caught her eye! Oh man!, wouldn't that make your heart melt?! But, not all of it can be filled with amazements.
The down side of being a ticket taker is, that the Emmy's, Oscar's, and the VMA's only come once a year. That means you get to see the stars and all the amazements once a year. That's not that bad but, it's still a downfall of being a ticket taker, unless you get a chance to work at all of these events! Then you can see way more stars, different themes, different everything! The older stars with different hairstyles or outfits that they usually don't wear. In a sense see them age.
So in my opinion, being a ticket taker isn't all that bad. I don't expect people to choose my side but, convince them that this may be a delighting job.
Fiction Friday – Hands 9/10/10
ReplyDeleteHands that Love
Emily and Oscar seemed like very good couple. They never had any arguments or any fights. Their friends believed Emily and Oscar were meant to be. People would always say how much they admired their relationship. This was what people saw, this is what Emily and Oscar chose to show people. Behind close doors Emily and Oscar’s relationship was far from being the “perfect” couple.
In the first couple of months of Emily and Oscar’s relationship was good. They were like two peas in a pot. They shared the same ideas and the same dreams. Emily and Oscar had many similar things which made Emily believe that their relationship would last a long time. She believed this for about four months. At the beginning of their fifth month together Oscar started to act different.
Oscar had many mood swings and was always finding something wrong to critique Emily on. This made Emily very sad and depressed she didn’t know what to do. She wanted to make him happy but she couldn’t handle Oscar’s mood swings. Emily once tried talking to Oscar about his mood swings the made Oscar very upset and made him strike Emily across the face Emily incomplete shocked began to cry she started to walk away when Oscar grabbed her by the arms squeezing her with all his might, telling her sorry but also saying that she should have never gotten him upset. Emily crying and squirming, mumbling under her breathe “you’re hurting me you’re hurting me.” Oscar released his grip and began to walk away. Emily felt that it was all her fault and chased after him telling her that he didn’t need to apologize that it was her fault after all. This would happen every two weeks and every week Emily would apologize and say it was her fault.
Oscar believed that he had Emily at a snap of a finger. He knew as well as she did that she would never leave him. She said it was out of love, but she knew it was out of fear. Oscar was so calm and confident that Emily was all his. One day Oscar had another mood swing but this time he had at it right after Emily came out of her Ceramic club. Nathaniel was barely coming out the class when he saw Oscar lay a hand on Emily’s face. He quickly dropped his stuff and punched Oscar, for laying a hand on a lady. This made Emily very scared and confused she didn’t know what to do. A group of teachers soon passed by which made the two boys run there separate ways. Oscar told Emily to avoid Nathaniel if she knew what was best for her. Of course with fear Emily knew she could no longer be friends with Nathaniel. Nathaniel looked for her all day during school he found her soon after lunch heading to her P.E. class and asked her to walk with him. Emily was scared but she knew that she had to apologize for Oscar’s behavior and also to tell Nathaniel that it wasn’t Oscar’s fault for hitting her.
2nd part
ReplyDeleteAs soon as Emily told Nathaniel what happened Nathaniel became very furious he soon changed his facial expression because he saw the fear Emily demonstrated in her eyes. Nathaniel told Emily that whatever Oscar had told her was not true. Nathaniel said that Oscar was only trying t make up excuses for his dumb behavior. Emily didn’t believe him. So Nathaniel told Emily something that he swore he would never tell anybody. Nathaniel with tears in his eyes spoke of the old days when his father was a drunken man who would hit Nathaniel and his mother all the time without mercy. Nathaniel told her that he would cry everyday wishing his father would die, wishing his mother could not suffer, and wishing he could run away. He also told her about all the times he would hear his mother blame herself and that one day he realized that it wasn’t his mother’s fault but his alcoholic dad’s fault. He told her about the day the he decided to become a man and kick his father out of his house. That day he said was the happiest day for his mother and himself.
Nathaniel told Emily that he would help her out in anything she needed. This made Emily cry, this was the first time she cried of understanding it wasn’t her fault she cried that someone had her back and that someone understood her. During passing period she ran to look for Oscar as soon as she saw him she smiled and told him it was over and walked away with her head held hide. Every single day Oscar passes right next to Emily. As the days pass Emily’s beauty grows more radiant and everyday Emily’s smile grows bigger and brighter. Emily has changed a lot ever since she broke up with Oscar. Oscar knows this as well and it kills him to know that he has lost the most important thing in his life. He knows now that he shouldn’t have used his hands for harm but to caress her face to hug her. Hands could be used for the good for the bad of things. Whichever one you decide to chose still leaves an effect that could hurt you or make you feel good.
Topic: Guilt
ReplyDelete"When My Dog Ate My Best Friend's Homework"
It was a brilliant morning, but I didn't wake up feeling like P. Diddy at all. On the contrary, I didn't even want to get up, despite the sunny rays filtering in through the blinds of my window and bathing my room in buttery sunlight. But with a heavy heart, I forced myself to get up, drag myself to the bathroom, and get ready for the day.
Today was a Friday. Normally I would be happy on Fridays like this. Fridays meant the next day would be Saturday, and Saturdays meant no school, which is always something to look forward to after a week's worth of homework, tests, studying, and of course...essays.
Just the thought of essays made me cringe as I looked at my complexion in the bathroom mirror. Poofy eyebags. Tousled brown hair. Dry pale lips. I looked like a lost, abandoned puppy on the side of the street. I looked horrendous. Disgusted, I splashed water in my face and attempted to look decent for school.
I figured breakfast would cheer me up to some degree, but my spirits dampened as I saw my little brother Tony pop in the last of the strawberry waffles into the toaster and drink what I knew to be the last cup of warm, French toast that my mom always prepared in the early hours of the morning.
Clearly, this was not turning out to be a P. Diddy morning.
“Ew, what's wrong with your eyes?” exclaimed Tony upon closer inspection of my face.
“Ew, what's wrong with your face?” I snapped back.
Tony just stuck his tongue out at me as I poured myself milk and cereal. As I brought my bowl to the table, our family dog Jenga shuffled into the kitchen.
“What's wrong with Jenga?” Tony asked, with much more warmth than his last question. “He's not all hyper like he usually is in the morning.”
It appeared Jenga didn't like P. Diddy this morning either. On Friday mornings like this, he'd be as happy and lighthearted as me, but he'd be a lot more open about it. In past mornings, you would see him scamper into the kitchen and lap up mine and Tony's legs as we ate in the kitchen table. Today, however, he just ambled into a corner of the kitchen and lay his large blonde head on the linoleum floor, his ears drooping on each side of his face, his eyes the look of a hangdog.
I tried to not look as if I knew something about it, or let guilt make the best out of me, and hastily replied, “Um...he probably has strep throat. You know, like what Mom had. Remember when she was all depressed and sad?”
“Yeah, and catty and evil,” Tony replied under his breath.
I laughed, glad that Tony had swallowed the white lie. “Better hope she doesn't hear you. Come on, I'll call Mom and she can take us to school.”
As Tony left, I went up to Jenga and bent down to look at him. He just stared at me with those big brown eyes.
“Sorry, buddy,” I said morosely. “It's my own sorry fault. I know you'll feel a lot better than me at the end of this day.”
I rubbed his head and ran to get Mom. It was about time this day finally got started.
[cont.]
[cont.]
ReplyDeleteWhen I arrived at school, I looked in both directions before crossing the street. I looked up and down the school parking lot before climbing up the stairs into the school's quad, all the while looking behind my shoulder. I felt like a ninja.
I wish I had the skills of an invisible ninja.
“Katie!”
I flinched and stayed rooted to my place. I was spotted!
A blonde, curly haired girl jumped in front of me, a big smile stretched across her face. The light green eyes and the bright blue messenger bag told me it was Angel.
“I was wondering where you were!” she said.
“Well, no more wondering! I'm here!” I replied, laughing weakly at my best friend.
Angel smiled. “Yeah, well I'm just so glad you're here! I just found out from the T.A that Mr. Gonzalez's essay would be worth like six hundred points and that today is the last day to turn it in!”
“Wow, really?” I exclaimed, feigning shock. “That's crazy! What kind of idiot makes a three page essay worth six hundred points?”
“I know right? I mean six hundred is like totally blowing off the scale of rubric grading in my opinion, but teachers will be how teachers will be. I'm just so glad I was able to write five pages and help you out in time!”
What little composure and color I had in my face drained out of my body. I just smiled weakly and shifted my weight from one foot to the other.
Angel glanced at my face curiously. “Katie, have you been getting enough sleep? You look pale. And your eyes look all...poofy.”
“Angel, I need to confess something,” I said in a rush.
She paused and looked at my expectantly.
“You...you know how you let me borrow your essay so that I could see how a real Spanish essay would look like?” I started.
[cont.]
MAGIC
ReplyDelete(WHAT IS MAGIC?)
Have you ever wondered what magic is or where you can find it? Magic can be anywhere for example in a hug, a comment, or simply in you. Have you ever felt really sad that you think you are not doing something good and you simply feel like giving up UNTIL there comes a person who says that it is going to be okay? Then they give you a hug and all of a sudden you feel really good. It is like their positivity was shared with you as if like MAGIC.
The same thing with a good comment. Comments make you feel rewarded, it is strange but it is true. What about those days when you try really hard on something and at the end someone gives you a complement and you just feel so good and excited because you did it and succeeded. That is the real magic.
We do not realize it but this thing we call MAGIC is inside of us and it gives us the power to do whatever we want. It makes us feel like we have the ability to fly, to have super speed; this magic is what helps us keep on going when times get hard. When we were small we use to watch movies about how a person had super powers, they would fly, and we would think to ourselves “I want to do that when I grow up”. Now we all see the reality and realize that just by trying our best we are making this dream true.
In conclusion magic can be found anywhere and even in ourselves.
[cont.]
ReplyDeleteShe nodded slowly. “I think we're aware of that,” she said as an afterthought.
“Yeah, I know,” I said hastily. I breathed in a sigh and said, “Well...my dog kind of...ate it.”
Angel just stared at me.
“Yeah...you know, Jenga?” I said. “Yeah I know! I'm a stupid, careless, irresponsible idiot. I left it on the living room floor with my bag when I got back from school and I completely forgot to put it in my binder! I was in my room and the next thing I knew, when I came back, I saw Jenga ripping your essay and lapping it all up and...gosh, I'm just really really sorry Angel. Like, really,” I said sadly.
I felt that was a lame excuse. But it was the truth.
Before Angel could say anything, I went on.
“Look, I felt really guilty last night about the whole thing. I know you worked really hard on that essay and I've been knowing that it's worth a huge part of your grade. So um...I tried to rewrite it,” I added lamely.
“You did?” Angel asked, surprised.
“Yeah...” I answered, unsure of what she'd say next. I pulled out five pages of stapled paper out of my backpack and hesitantly showed it to her.
“I know it's not great, but I kind of remembered what you put in your intro paragraph and your body paragraphs and everything,” I said as she flipped through the essay. “I just felt really bad and if anyone needs the grade, it's you. It was my own sorry fault that I didn't do the essay in the first place. In fact, everything's just my fault!” I exclaimed angrily.
“Katie, don't beat yourself up,” Angel said, not looking up from the essay. “This is actually a pretty good essay! Did you actually write five pages all by yourself last night?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “Hence the poofy eyes.”
“Katie, it doesn't matter that your dog ate my essay,” Angel said. “I'm kind of upset that he did, but that doesn't matter. I don't think I can name anyone who'd stay up all night trying to rewrite some lame Spanish essay that I spent a day writing.”
I shifted my weight from foot to foot.
“Frankly, you should be the one turning this in,” Angel added as an afterthought. She handed the essay back to me.
“Are you sure?” I said, surprised.
“Yeah...and besides, I already sent in my essay to Mr. Gonzalez ahead of time. He has it as we speak. I knew with Jenga living under your roof, no paper is safe.”
“Thanks Angel. Thanks a lot.” I replied sarcastically.
Just then the bell rang, and we walked to Spanish class together.
[end!]
Handy Dandy Hands
ReplyDeleteMy hands have to be the one of the most important body parts in our body right next to out legs heart and brain. Without my hands, what would I be. I do the most basic things with them such as, make food for my little sister when shes hungry. Pick up clothes to then put them to wash to have good hygiene, not only that but they help us put on our clothes. Lastly my hands are used for holding someone else when they are in need.
I love doing something productive for someone else by using my hands. It shows that I do care about the other person. When my sister is hungry, i use my hands to mix up all these extravagant spices and to make something so amazing that it will make my sister happy and will fill her up with all the nutrients she needs in her body to survive in this unhealthy world.
To be successful in this country we must have good hygiene. Without hands I wouldn't be able to separate my clothes to put them to wash to look presentable for a job interview. No one wants to be near someone with smelly dirty clothes, i need to look good to make the company i work for look good as well. Besides that, if we didn't have hands how would we be able to grab our clothing to even put it on. Im pretty sure no one would give you a job if your naked.
To show kind of love or affection, your hands are needed to touch the other person by , rubbing there back, there head or even holding their hand. When someones at the edge of there set waiting in the hospital waiting room, waiting to find out if they don't have cancer; holding there hand shows that your there that no matter what, your there support, and it is a kind or comfort that is unexplainable. When your brother is about to play his for game you may pat him in the head to show him that your there for him that you believe in him. Lastly, the last way to show affection with your hands is when you are head over heals in love and just by simply holding the other persons hands, it is like an electric vibe going though each other hands with is unexplainable and shows how much love there is between them.
Your hands are one of the most important things you might on your body. They are used to do simple task such as to make food for a growing child. Putting and Washing your clothes to look presentable. Also they are used to show support and most importantly LOVE.
Fiction Friday: Hands
ReplyDelete"Poison Oak"
I'm a ten year old boy stuck in a sanitarium. My dad got away when i was about six. I was left behind with my mother and my brother and sister. Waking up each morning was brutal, beside the fact that I hardly slept. As time passed I thought that I would get use to the morning pain that mother gave me, but my dad lied to me. Going to school was a wreak. Mother never let me shower and I had a limited of clothing that mother would hardly wash. I was known as a freak. Returning home was full of my mothers beatings, and it was always that way. I was her personal punching bag. I missed my father defending me from my mom's hands. Mother always tells me its my fault that my father left her, but she knew deep inside my father couldn't stand her. Her hands felt like a rock. They were always so cold and hard. Her hands curl up in a fist as it aim toward my face. Blocking her hits was the worst thing I can do, taking it like a man was what father thought me. By the end of her beatings my face was bleeding and in the worst conditions ever. I always said how can you destroy your own child with your own hands? But that question was never answered. I blame my mom for me turning crazy. I would have thoughts of her that a child shouldn't have. I wanted mother to suffer like she made me suffer. That was one thing I always wanted to do to my mother, but it wasn't the right time to do it. Mother loved getting her nails done for two reason: one is because she thought it made her look pretty, two was because she could dig in my face and leave me scratches. Those scratches felt like a itchy burning sensation almost like how people describe poison oak, but all her beatings felt like that. When my moment came to get my revenge on mother I sneaked from my dog house where mother made me sleep and I took my first move. Quietly I moved up to her bedroom where her and her "favorite" children would sleep with her. What they didn't know was that I put Rapacuronium in their food which paralyzes them. When mother saw me enter her bedroom she had her eyes wide open but couldn't move or stand. Thats the way I planned it. I grabbed her children first as I killed them in front of her. I saw tears coming out of her eyes. The plan was going perfect. I grabbed her hands and looked at her long nails and put it against her face and slowly watched the blood coming out of her face. I wanted her to know that poison oak feeling she would give me. I took once glance at her hands for the last time before I chopped them so my beating days would be over. Finally mother knew how it felt to be me, how her beatings felt, like if you would ever touch the roots of poison oak.
"hands"
ReplyDelete"Detective's first"
The thief was running at top speed with the jewelry box tucked under his arm. The tubby police officer running and struggling to keep up with the thief. Once the robber reached a fence that he jumped the cop gave up on the chase. He walked to his car and drove to the crime scene, which is known as the local jewelry store. The cop called the detective that's in charged for the local investigations and the owner of the store.
Detective Jones got to the jewelry store and noticed the amount of shattered glass and and missing jewelry. Jones took out his equipment that lets him lift hand print from unbroken surfaces and found two sets of hand prints. He took the video from the security camera,the robber had attempted to destroy it. They had to give it to a professionals to see with they could repair it. Once running the fingerprint threw he located the owners of the finger prints and were brought in for questioning. One of the hand prints belonged to a local robber named Luis,yet the second set of hand prints shocked Jones.
The lights were making him squirm ,the room was scary to the second suspect and he wanted his mommy. The second suspect was Anthony a local first grader who had recently turned 6 last week. Jones asked him why his hand prints were in the jewelry store that was robbed. He answered " I was uh ....i was just playing and i saw the rock i just wanted to throw it so i uh uh i did! I'm sorry I'm really sorry i don't want to go to jail! ill clean my room i promise!" tears started running down his red cheeks. Jones asked the kid if the glass broke and if he went inside. Anthony looked at Jones with the saddest eyes "i broke it with the rock then went inside because everything inside was shinny. Please don't tell mom! I didn't take nothing look look !" he started taking out his toys from his pockets while rubbing his eyes crying. Jones held back a laugh while he looked at the kid trying to prove his inncoents.
Jone finally sent the kid home with a warning while laughing. Luis one the other handed didn't want to talk at all and didnt need to after. The video was fixed and showed Luis walking in after Anthony left the store and stealing the jewelry.
Fiction Friday:
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time, in a land far far away. Where no normal person has ever bin there is a place called "paradise". The fruit in this place is huge, the gardens greener then green, the smells are more amazing then you could imagine. This place is simply unreal and perfect. This mezmerizing place is full of intelegent and beautiful people.
Larry Tinckles was one of the many young men who lived in this magical place. He was a strong handsom young man, his grades were perfect (so he was smart also). Even though he had all o fthese great qualities he had one not so good one. He was shy with girls and very easily intimidated by any other guy. How would a boy like this ever acomplish the task of calling a beautiful girl his own?
The Dilema that Larry had was obviously about a girl. He was in love with a girl that everyone knew that he would never have. This girl didnt even notice that Larry Tinkles was in this world. Sadly Larry kept his hopes up even though he had no chances. Well like most boys who dont fit in and are shy, he went to his mother for help.
He sat down next to his mother while she was watching her novelas. Tinckles mother didnt really seem to take an interest in her sons situation. It looked like she wasnt even paying any atention to him. So Larry got mad and pushed the tv on the ground thinking he was a stronng man. He shouls not have done this because his mother loved tv.
His mother quickly jumped up an struck him across the face while saying many naughty words I cannot write in this blog. She told tinckles with deep hatred "listen boy!! you have no chance with that girl! For heavens sake your last name is tinckles, you really think she wants that to be her last name? Just throw away your dreams because you will never accomplish them." So Larry began to cry and he ran away. He traveled very far and came to a place that was not perfect. He succeded very much in this ne imperfect world. He never went back to "paradise" again.
:)
Janna-
ReplyDeleteI liked how you started it "It was a brilliant morning" it made me laugh but want to actually read the rest(:
another thing i liked was you kept the story realistic
what made me kind of lose just a little interest was the dialog, it was pretty long dude but other than that it was good :D
(Did you think about shortening your story?)
Janelle:D -
I liked it! Even though it was all the common things you can do with your hands.
You made a more deep thought later on in the story and i would've probably not have thought about in that way which was like eye opening(:
what i didn't like so much was repetitive sounding sentences.one little thing that bothered me was that you misspelled some words so i kind of got confused in some parts.
(Have you ever read your story after you were done and said to yourself "This is a good story" ?)
Fiction Friday: Magic
ReplyDelete"Miracles"
Magic. A simple word that holds universal meanings, but what exactly is magic? Could it be hope if you view it in a different perspective?
The most common magic viewed by most individuals are made by wishes. Whether it be your birthday, a shooting star that you've seen, a wish bone, a dandelion that you blow, or even when your clock turns 11:11 A.M./P.M.. A wish, even a simple wish, can work miracles.
People say you shouldn't have hope, nor faith, for they could come crashing down at any second of the day, but I say, hope, dream, for they could lead to wonders that you may never imagined possible.
Do you believe in miracles or even the slightest bit of magic? Well, miracles are magic. Miracles give you the benefit of the doubt. You might not think hard of this, but magic works in many different ways. It can be fake magic, the one you would take your little brother or sister to watch. It could be witch-craft, the unsafe magic. Then there are miracles. Wouldn't you think that miracles define magic? Doing things that phenomenally amazing? They are the reason that keeps your hope alive. Miracles feed your hope, shelter it, and care for it. Without miracles, magic wouldn't exist and you should put that into your perspective.
fiction friday (hands)
ReplyDeletechopped!!!!
it was a dark rainy day when they found lisa vanhillson dead. she was lying on the 13th floor dead with her hands chopped of. who did it and why? the police had no idea of who had done such a horrble thing and why her hands where cut of. police investigated and they couldnt find the criminal. so the fbi had to come in to find out who had killed her. first they started out of with looking for finger prints but no fingerprints where found. they searched for any other evidence that could help them out but this guy was good at what he was doing.their had been a similar case like this one except the man who had did it died in a tragic car accident trying to run away with his wife and three children. there was only one survivor a five year old boy by the name of williom bollini who also had a phobia for his hands like his father.his whole family had died and he was sent to an orphanage where he was treated badly by all the other little boys and girls.even the orphan moms treated him bad.they would hit him in the face which made him hate hands even more. williom bollini stayed at the orphanage for several years until he turned 18 and moved.when he moved he couldnt stand the way hands looked becauss the hands at the orpahanage where old and crusty.he was disgusted by them.when he moved he got his own house from the inheritence his dad had left for him in case something would of happend to him.he bought his house and never came out. it took him about ten years for him to finally come out. he was 28 years old by the time his phobia for hands was gone.he had gone out to a restaurant and as soon as he walked in he saw the beautiful lisa vanhillson. they talked and had a good time. they went back to her house and as soon as he saw her hands in the light he realized his phobia wasnt gone.he was disgusted. willom bollini grabbed a cloth an choked her with it.when she had passed out he grabbed a kithcen knife and chopped her hands off he took the knife washed and it put it back like nothin had happened.bollini took lisa vanhillsons hands and fed her hands to his vicious dog.NO ONE EVER knew who it was.
Fiction Friday -- Guilt
ReplyDelete"Drunk, Tears, & Death"
My name is Ryan, and I was the type of person who loved to party. There was this one night I was leaving from a club, totally wasted. It was the worst mistake of my life. How could I make such a stupid decision?
(Jay's POV)
Tonight is the night that will change my life. I was going to propose to my girlfriend, Cindy. My phone had rang.
"Hey, where are you? I'm at the restaurant."
"I'm just about leaving from the house. I got off work late."
"Alright, I love you."
"I love you, too."
This was the night i have been waiting for my whole life. There was a lot of traffic. Dang, I hope she doesn't leave before I get there. 8:35. I finally arrived at the restaurant, but man was that place packed. There was no parking space left. I drove in circles over and over hoping to find a parking spot. I finally found one, but it was five blocks away from the restaurant. 8:45.
I could see the restaurant, just one more crosswalk. I was waiting for the stoplight to turn green. I took out my engagement ring and smiled. It was engraved, "J+C Always & forever." Someone bumped into me and knocked the engagement ring out of my hand. Where did it go? It was on the road. I waited until the light was green. Finally! I picked up the ring from the ground. 8:50.
(Cindy's POV)
I had just arrived at the restaurant.
"Reservation for two."
"Right this way, Miss." The waiter led me to my table. It was 8:20 and Jay wasn't there yet. I decided to call him.
"...I love you."
The waiter brought bread sticks and soup. 8:30.
The soup was starting to get cold.
"I'm sorry, Miss, but there are other people still waiting to be seated." the waiter said.
"My boyfriend will be here soon."
"Alright, Miss." the waiter walked away. 8:50.
"I'm sorry again Miss, but tonight is very busy. There are complaints saying you are a waste of a table being here by yourself." the waiter said.
"I see." I replied.
Suddenly, I heard sirens coming from outside.
There was a weird feeling in my stomach. There were many people crowding around outside. I hope nobody got seriously injured. Wait, I recognize that car, no, it can't be, but it was. There were people carrying Ryan's body into the ambulance. I saw another body being carried away. I rushed up as the police were pushing me away.
"No! that's my boyfriend!" I cried.
They let go of me as I ran up to him. I looked down, and his right hand was closed, but his left hand was open. I opened up his right hand, and saw an engagement ring.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete[continued..]
ReplyDelete(Ryan's POV)
I had just left the club, and was driving home, but man was I wasted. The speed limit was 35 mph, but I was going 60 mph. I loved the adrenaline rush. I was tired, and my vision was getting kind of blurry. The stoplight was green, but I kept going until a.. *crash*. 8:52. I woke up in the hospital. My sister was sitting in the chair next to me, crying.
-Flashback-
Jay had came over to my house to tell me some special news.
"What's the good news you've been wanting to tell me?"
"I'm going to propose to your sister."
"It's about time you propose. My best friend is about to become my new brother-in-law. When are you planning to do it?"
"Tonight."
"Oh, that's cool."
"So what are you up to tonight?"
"A new club opened up, I'm gonna check it out. You know how I am."
"Yeah, but promise me you won't get into any more trouble."
"I'll try my best not to."
(Jay's funeral)
It had been a couple weeks after Jay's death. My sister had been crying nonstop ever since the accident. It was all my fault, I should have never driven drunk. My parents had also passed away 5 years ago. They got involved in an accident with a drunk driver. The driver survived, they didn't. They were driving to my high school graduation, and never made it there. I feel as if I was also responsible for my parent's death. I had killed my best friend. This feeling of guilt will live with me for the rest of my life.
Fiction friday
ReplyDeleteThe evil dog
There was a little young boy walking home in the middle of a dark and gloomy night. The kid saw a weird looking dog fallowing him but he didn’t pay any attention to it. The boy turned around because he heard whispering behind him but the dog was only one there. He got spooked and started walking faster. The boy was not even half way home when he heard the dog laughing. The boy yelled at the dog trying to scare it away. When he stared into the dogs red eyes the boy froze in fear. The kid watched his own death when he looked into the dogs eyes. He realized that it was no ordinary dog so the boy tried to run away but he still couldn’t move, the only part of his body that could move was his right hand. The kid used his hand to cover his eyes so he could stop looking at the dog’s eyes and was able to move. He ran as fast as he could, trying to get away. The evil dog went after him trying to catch up to him. While the boy was running he tripped and fractured his ankle. He stated yelling in pain. When the dog caught up to him he started biting on his hand. The dog was chewing on the kids hand and wouldn’t let go. The boy poked the dog’s eyes and blinded him. As the kid poke the dog’s eyes the dog tore off the hand. The young boy ran of crying while the now blinded dog stayed eating the hand.
Fiction Friday: Hands
ReplyDelete"Sixth Grade Touch"
In a simple english class, it was the first day of school for everyone. Many of the kids didn't know eachother and were nervous. These sixth graders were all from different elementaries and new to middle school. The teacher had assigned random partners for a small presentation at the end of the class. This young girl named Lacey who was of a fairly decent size for her age, was partnered up with a nice boy named Julio.
Lacey had long, wavey, pitch black hair that reached a bit over her shoulders. She was pale in skintone and dressed casually. She wore a pair of faded jeans with a tight black shirt that had a little white stars scattered on it. When Lacey was partnered up with Julio, she instantly thought he was real cute. So this made her a little shy to talk with him.
Julio was around three inches taller than Lacey, and was taller than most in the class. He had a tanned olive skintone that matched perfectly with his dark brown lace hair that was brushed back. He seemed to have been dressed in 'hand-me-downs' by older past siblings of his. He was in ripped, loose, ligh-colored jeans and a huge red t-shirt but Lacey overlooked his wardrobe.
They got together and started asking questions to eachother from the worksheet the teacher passed out to them. When time was up, they were ready to go up and present. Lacey talked about Julio while he did the same, they had gotten a good grade. When going back to their seats, Lacey skipped and tripped over her own feet. Julio immediately reached out to help her and took her hand and helped her up.
After that inncident, Julio and Lacey felt comfortable enough to eat lunch together. After the first day of school, weeks eventually passed with Lacey and Julio becoming quick friends to best friends. Most of their friends kept recommending them to go out so their relationship could be stronger between eachother. They decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend from so much insisting.
They didn't feel closer but the same as if they were just friends. People asked them if they had kissed and Julio became very interested into the topic. When Julio tried to kiss Lacey, she pulled away and said she didn't feel ready. Julio smiled and said it was fine, he reached out his hand and grabbed Lacey's. "Just holding your hand is enough..."
fiction friday:poker face
ReplyDeleteone weekend i went to my dad's house and he said that we would be going to las vegas in a couple of weeks, so i needed to work on my poker skills. i said," like what kind of skills?" and he started naiming some of the skills that i never heard about before, like a poker face, and a whole bunch more, and all of the combinations of cards and then which combination beats another. also he started talking about when to call, fold, or raise a hand and hen you start winning alot not to get too cocky and start betting big, becasue then the tables will turn and i would end up losing more money then i started with.
so, for the next week all i did was practice poker. the mant different techniques. one day while i was playing my father said that he noticed that i have the best poker face ever and i had to have hime explain why because i was doing it withou even being aware of it. apparently i kept my face at a serious look the whole time and never changed it even if i got a good card or got dealed an excellent hand. then he went on and on about how we could make loads of money with my poker face.
on our way to vegas, thats all i did was practice, practice, practice, even though we were in a car i just kept going at it. i wanted to make sure that my poker face was the best it could be and that i could apply my poker face properly to the game. i finally get it perfect, right before we pulled into stateline so i was set. i would be making "bank" in a matter of couple of hours!
as i was looking around for a table that i liked, i found one, it just grabbed my attention. i was winning alot of money, hand after hand. i started getting wild, betting more and more. sadly as ,y dad predicted i would get too cocky and lose it all. i did i started losing so much, i learned that my poker face needs not to get too cocky when playing the game of cards
Fiction Friday: Guilt
ReplyDeleteYes. I did it. i did it, but i had to. They told me if i didn't do it, i would be commiting treason to my country. What else could i have done? I had no choice. My heart was beating twice as fast as it should. The feeling of adrenaline rushed through my body. I took my sniper rifle, aimed it at his head and with hesitation i pulled the trigger. After that, i only heard five thigs. The "bang" sound the gun made when it shot the bullet, one. The bullet flying through the air and breaking the glass from the window, two. The sound the man made when he was hit, three. The man falling to the ground, four. My heartbeat, five.
I grew up in a small town called Northshore, and i attended a school called "Green Valley High School." I was the smartest student in the district. I was so intelligent that all my teachers decided on giving me a special test that would test my intelligence. The results came back and it said that i was above gifted.
Two days after it was my 18th birthday. Two men knocked at my door. They were wearing black suits and looked very misterious. They asked me to speak to them in private. I nervously accepted their request and took them upstairs to my room.
They told me they had seen my test results and were very impressed. They told me that they hadn't seen scores that high in over 30 years.They finally told me they were from the CIA and that they wanted me to join the agency. I told them that i would think about it. They told me that they wanted an answer before next weekend.
Before they left they i was told that i should not tell anybody about their offer. I nodded and they exited my room and left the house. Several minutes later my mom asked me who those men were and what the wanted. I told her that they wanted to offer me a scholarship. My mom smiled and walked away.
Two days later i decided that i did want to join the agency.
Two years later i find myself on top of a building holding a sniper rifle about to kill a man. I thought to myslef,"Why did i make this bad decision?" I finally kill the man and leave the building.
Now, i am sitting at my house. My phone rings and see that it is my boss.
"Congratulations," he says.
"Why?"
"You have been promoted."
I happily hang up the phone and go to bed. I try to sleep , but i cant. The image of the man falling to the ground keeps coming back. I am filled with guilt. My conscience bothers me. I am going mad.
I KILLED A MAN. YES. I DID IT, I DID IT, BUT I HAD TO. THEY TOLD ME THAT IF I DIDN'T KILL HIM I WOULD BE COMMITING TREASON TO MY COUNTRY...
(Posting for Maria De Los Santos)
ReplyDeleteFiction Friday- "Guilt"
Once upon a time there was a a pair of friends named Jill and Jackie. Jill and Jackie were unseperable, almost like sisters. Jackie and Jill
came both from different worlds since Jackie was of a high class family and Jill's family was barely getting through with their debts
and payments, but this never stopped them from hanging out with each other. Until one day everything changed and made it them question
their friendship. it was a hot summer day like any other, nothing much special about it just like any other plain day, Jackie and Jill were
both walking home when became startled with a cry for help right around the corner of the street which they were walking on. Jill
decided to check it out but Jackie warned her not to do it, because it might be just a prank from one of the kids at school, but it still
didn't stop Jill. As Jill turned the corner she saw a young boy about the age of fifteen to seventeen, he was being picked on by three boys
from Jackie's and Jill's school. Jackie told Jill "i told you to not even bother, its just some nerd being picked on" Jill responded
"either way they shouldn't be picking on him" so she decided to walk over to the scene of the occurrence and told the boys "leave him
alone" Jackie suddenly recognized one of the boys and he told her "hey why don't you tell your friend to mind her own business".Jill starred at him for quite a while until Jackie responded to him saying "I tried, I really did, but you see, she can be hard-headed at times" as
she pulled Jill away. They both left without saying another word but Jackie knew that Jill wasn't very happy with what had occurred so she
decided to try and avoid saying anything. Jill spoke out saying "what was that about?, poor boy we left him there suffering" Jackie said "It is just that we can't just intervene like that, with what's not our business we can not stick up for the poor nerd like that, it will just make him seem more nerdy". Jill became more infuriated because she believed that Jackie was wrong. Jill reached her house and said bye to
Jackie. The next day Jackie and Jill arrived to school where they heard that a boy that went to their school had been left bleeding to death after somebody had beaten him somewhere around the street that Jackie and Jill walked through to go home but fortunately the paramedics arrived on time to save his life, he was also left with a few scratches bruises and a broken rib. They were worried because they knew that, that same boy they left behind was the same boy that was being talked about all throughout school. Somehow they did not know if they should tell the police who was the cause of this or leave it just the way it is and hope the police finds out who did it on their own. Jill told Jackie "we should say something" Jackie responded are you crazy what if the same boys who did this to the poor nerd end up doing
something to us", Jill couldn't believe what she was hearing so she told Jackie" I can't believe I'm friends with you, you insensitive jerk" Jackie responded saying "well you can choose not to be , I was just trying to this for our safety if anything you should be grateful for the advice I'm giving you", Jill walked away. That night both of them couldn't sleep they were too busy thinking about the poor nerd and their friendship, not to mention their fear of speaking out and then something bad happening to them. The next day that same nerd appeared at school he needed prove of who did this to him so he approached Jackie and Jill to be witnesses unlike Jackie Jill accepted.
Fiction Friday:
ReplyDeleteWalking down the street and she glances then stares at the man of her dreams. She wants him, she craves him, she admires his true beauty. The only problem he belongs to someone else. His love is cast away from her forever. Her only thought is to get rid of the other girl. What do she has to do to get rid of this girl. Kill her?...Yes..kill her. Her only obstacle stands in her way of having her "prince charming". Destroying another life just to have her on dream come true.
As she followed him home one day she noticed he was meeting up with girlfriend the obstacle she has to get rid of. She saw what some people in their loves never see..that love..that spark in his eye that she beg to have. She watched the girl cross the street zoom she put all force on her gas petal. Bam..bom.splat. She hit the girl and kept going..whoop whoop she was happy, her dream can finally come true he was finally hers. As she waited for the news to come on, sitting back with her popcorn. Breaking news says "hit and run a tragic girl dies on the way to the hospital 3 months pregnant". She sit there in complete paused no thoughts running through her brain. A couple days later she went to his house to visit him and a man had said that he hung him self in his closet after the tragic death of his unborn child and future wife
Fiction Friday: Magic
ReplyDeleteYour Beginning
Do you remember that day you got your letter from Hogwarts? You never heard of that school before but you saw envelope and how elegant and perstige the it looked. You were imidiately interested, as you read it you knew that you had to go that to this school and went to your parents to tell them the good news.
You ask, "mother and father may I please go to this school, it's a once in a life time oppurtunity". Your dad not even thinking about it said " I will not let my baby girl go to some far away boarding school' and mother being more reasonable asked what the name of the school was. You said, "Hogwarts" and saw your parents freeze. You saw anger and fear in their eyes. All of the sudden they started yelling at you saying you couln't go and all of this nonsense, you saw your opportunity go out the door as your father burn the letter to ashes. Your eyes got all big and teary and you yelled "why!?" Your mother said, "It's best that you not know".
After constanly sulking and giving your parents the stank eye, you started to notice more letters from Hogwarts overfilling your mail slot. Not only did you notice letters but you notice a lot of birds out your front yard, you couldn't tell what type but you knew they were birds because of their wings. As your father entered the house mumuring about being attacked by animals he saw the letter in your hands and was filled with rage. Your mother entered the living room after hearing all the ruckus, and you got so frustrated that you started screaming back. You felt the ground shiver underneath your feet. You weren't the only that notice this, your parents notice the power that radiated off you. At last, your father said, "go... just rememder to take stay safe and out of harm's way". You didnt' understand the meaning of those words at the time but you didn't care.
[ TO BE CONTINUE ]
CONTINUED
ReplyDelete(Posting for Maria De Los Santos)
Jackie had a difficult decision to make it was either stand by her best friend and put her life in danger or carry this guilt with her that was eating her up. She decided to be a witness in the end the ones responsible for for the beating went to Juvie and Jackie and Jill's friendship grew stronger plus they gained a new friend who
happened to be the nerd who happened to be named Eddie.
Fiction Friday:
ReplyDeleteOnce apon a time, there was a ninja. There were tons of ninjas all over the world but overall, Ray was the most talented. Ninjas were special fighters or warriors who used ancient fighting styles. Also ninjas also learned how to use their chi and release it in different outputs (For example: fire, water, wind, etc).
One day, as usual, Ray went to the supermarket to buy some muffins for his breakfast. The cashier had only one customer each and every day and was about to close down. Ray didn't want the store to close down, since it was the only store in the village that sold his favorite muffins.
The cashier offered to give him muffins for free if he could bring some more customers to his shop other than himself. Ray accepted the offer as soon as Reggie offered it. As soon as Ray finished receiving the details, he headed straight off into the marketplace in the middle of the city. There were lots of people in the cities marketplace. Ray began advertising to the whole population. But Ray noticed that every single person he talked to about the store had answered "no" almost immediately as he even mentioned the stores name. Ray became to get very upset and decided that he would come up with something that would advertise the store. Over the next few weeks, Ray began to build a giant sign that would be set over the entire city. After about three weeks, the sign was complete. It took him a formidable time to raise the flag over the entire city. When the sign was over the whole city, everyone could see it and it was obvious that they had all seen and read the sign. However, the next morning there was still no one at the shop. He became very angry and pulled one citizen aside and asked him why he didn't like the shop. The guy said that the shop was for dog food, and their was no dogs in the city, therefore there was no reason to buy stuff at the shop. After Ray heard this he began to get very embarrassed. He could not believe that he had been eating dog food his whole life. After Ray had found out about it, everybody he passed by in the city would laugh at him. Soon after, Ray fled the city, he could not believe that all he had been eating was dog food.
Fiction Friday: Guilt
ReplyDeleteUp and Down
Chris,Nigiel,and Bertha are the names of the main characters. The setting takes place in a Six Flags amusement park. The three have been best friends since kindergarden,but has only been recent that Chris and Nigiel have grown a crush on their best friend Bertha.The thing is that Bertha does not know that her best friends like her and to make things more difficult the two male best friends are unaware that the other best friend is attracted to Bertha. The three chums are walking around Six Flags. The three are talking and suddenly Bertha asks,"Can we stop by the bathroom?, I drank alot of Ginger Ale!""No problem!" said Chris and Nigiel simultaniously. As Bertha went to the bathroom Chris exhales a deep sign as Nigiel starts a conversation by saying, "What do you think of Bertha?" Chris responds with,"I think she is the prettiest girl I have ever seen,she is really fun to hand out with too." "Yea,she sure is;and she got it going on too" Nigiel added. The two are looking straight at eachother with a sort of disturbed look on their faces. "Wait,what are you getting at?"says Chris. "I really like her,and by the end of the day she will be mine" responds Nigiel. "You cant be serious,you cant like her,because I like her!"says Chris. There is now tension between the two,but the silence is quickly broken by,"I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend after riding acouple of rides" Chris says innocently. "Well, my plan was to ask her out by the end of the day but since this might be a dilemma I guess I can do it right now. "Chris quickly responds with a"no!" with a disguisted look deliberately looking at Nigiel at the same time. Nigiel's face quickly brightens significantly and says,"How about we ask her right now when she comes out so we can know who she wants. "Chris agrees with him. The two are anxiously waiting for Bertha to come out when suddenly a figure is seen walking out of the ladie's bathroom,it is Bertha. Chris and Nigiel quickly run torwards Bertha,and Nigiel is the one to ask ker the question. "Bertha,there is so-", Nigiel is quickly interrupted by a mysterious stranger. The stranger looks at Bertha and says"Hey there gorgeousness." "What the fidoodle?, who is this guy?" says Nigiel as the stranger puts his arm around Bertha. Bertha responds to Nigiel with,"Oh, you guys remember Freddrick right?,he is in our science class. He asked me out acouple od weeks ago and I said yes."Chris and Niguel had a look,as if they had just seen a squirrel that had been hit by a massive SUV. Bertha looks at her two best friends and asks,"Would you guys mind if I spend the rest of the day with Freddrick right?" "Not at all",says Chris,and the couple strolls away. Now,Chris and Nigiel are alone together feeling devastated by what had just happened. Nigiel slowly looks at Chris and asks "You up for some rides?" Chris knodded in agreement and the best freinds went in line for the roller coaster X2 happily ever after.
Third person point of view—ticket taker
ReplyDeleteThere were two thick buildings separated by an alley. Within the alley, at half a mile into it, there was another building being prepared for what is to be known as the greatest event of October. There stood a man who felt the complacency to call himself “the one in charge”. He took the tickets from four to six p.m. the show started at six, but he, as he ticket taker, however, would not even be able to go in and watch the show. The line was long and has been accumulating since two o’clock, yet he started taking tickets at four.
4:20: A woman approaches the ticket taker. She walked the carpet in a sophisticated manner: curvy hips swaying from left to right with the help of her night black stiletto heels paralyzing the ticket taker in such a way that he forgets he is the ticket taker. Her glittered, bright red dress was specifically designed for her body due to her neck line that lowered just enough to have a man tempted. Her dress accentuates her glowing naturally tan skin, illuminates her light brown eyes, and compliments her dark brown hair to make her look like an exotic goddess who just stepped off the most tropical island there is in the world. She smelled like a goddess too, the light sensual scent of Ralph Lauren: WILD perfume. She flirtatiously seduces the ticket taker without even having to touch him—yet.
“Ticket please,” says the ticket taker abruptly.
She reads the ticket taker’s name tag, BARNABEE. “Why Barnabee, I don’t think I brought my ticket with me, I hope you can help me find a way to get in to the show.” She bats her eyelashes, runs her left hand through the back of Barnabee’s oily tousled hair, and runs her right fore finger down her cleavage hooking Barnabee’s eyes on to her finger.
“I’m sorry ma’am; I’m going to have to—”
“Sh, sh, sh, Barnabee, I don’t think you understand. I will do ANYTHING to get in.”
“Then I’m sure you can go right around the corner and wait in line like the others to buy a ticket.”
The woman, shocked, stomps off.
6:00: The music of the awards show begins to play. Barnabee finally sits down and reads last month’s issue of a woman’s magazine. He recognizes two full pages dedicated to the show. Barnabee thinks, “Why would there be an awards show for just the scariest movies played? Everyone like actions movies better anyway.”
He tries to decipher his question when the street lights and the lights that presented the door started to flicker. (The light bulbs were band new; they were out in this morning.)
6:37: There was a scream around the corner that made the little blonde hairs on the back of Barnabee’s tainted neck stiffen. There was another scream, from a lady, followed by the screaming of a police car’s siren.
7:13: Finally, the street lights and alley lights go out. Darkness diffuses the space around Barnabee. He cannot even tell if he is closing his eyes or not, for it is THAT dark. He pounds on the doors of the show to get inside, but the doors are securely locked—thanks to the help of Barnabee for buying extra equipment to securely tighten the borders of the building. He pounds on the doors some more, but his screaming is overwhelmed by the show announcing the award for “The Scariest Movie with Light” (how ironic ;D). He pulls out his phone and checks the time: 7:15.
7:15: “LOW BATTERY!” flashes the screen on Barnabee’s phone followed by another sign that read, “SHUTTING OFF”. The last source of light died on him. He stumbles to look for the chair he was sitting on. He thinks the most he can do is sit for 45 more minutes until the show is over and people open the door for Barnabee.
7:22: There is a faded noise. The noise gradually becomes clearer and louder. It was foot steps. The footsteps approach closer and closer. Barnabee yells, “It’s too late to come in to the show!”
(continued)
There is no response but the familiar scent of perfume, cold blood rushing to the top of Barnabee’s head, pressure on his leather-covered neck, and eyes slowly rolling inward. Barnabee grasps for air, but none is retrievable.
ReplyDelete8:00: The lights come back on and people exit the award show noticing Barnabee’s pale body lying on the cold floor surrounded by 420 show tickets.
Although Barnabee did not get to see the show, at least he could have won the award for “Most Realistic Death”.
[ CONTINUED ]
ReplyDeleteAs your parents bid you goodbye at the train station, with your belongings you went to look for platform 9 3/4. You found it odd that it was not a whole number and never knew that a 3/4 on a platform existed. As you looked for it, you realized it wasn't there and you thought to yourself I've been punk'd. You were suprised that you saw it not it but go through it. You thought you went mad and decided to try it out yourself. As you ran, you waited for the pain but it never came and as you open your eyes you saw a train it was on platform 9 3/4!
It was time to leave, you got your stuff and ran to your train, it almost left you. As you found your seat you open your suitcase and looked at your belongings, this school demanded odd supplies. As you got out your wand, you thought about learning magic tricks and spells. You realize that you were going to learn about stuff that you nbever thought were possible before. You faced the facts and thought it's not every day you go through walls. You began to think about all the cool things you'll be able to do.
You got hungry and decided to get something to eat but as you exited you collided with someone and fell backwards. You told him to watch where he was going, you heard him mumble apologies and noticed a funny scar on his forehead. As you saw him get up you noticed green eyes hidden behind glasses. Your anger dissolved as you tooked in his face, you told him that you were sorry and that it was your fault. He told you it was okay and his voice broke off in midsentence because he didn't know your name. You responded "its Veronika" and as he left you were angry angain because you forgot to ask for his name. As you got back to you seat you began to ponder about what this year had in store for you and as your life was taking a turn to your magical adventure. You took in the sight out the school as you and knew that this was your year.
[ THE END!]
Hogwarts, the train , the mystery character and other events or thing that resemble the Harry Potter Saga were not my creation but they belong to the creative J.K. Rowling
Fiction-Friday: Guilt
ReplyDelete"Terrible Three Day Break"
One day Ricky was thinking about what he wanted to do for his three day break from school. He was really stressed because he had just started his junior year in high school. Ricky was a very smart individual, so he signed up for three advanced placement classes. He thought that the classes where going to to be easy and college's were going to like that he was in so many advanced placement classes. It turned out that the classes were not going to be as easy as Ricky had originally thought.
In Ricky's free time he really liked to listen to music, play with his friends, and play video games. All of Ricky's friends were really close to him and also lived in the same area. His four friends were name Mark,Phillip, Jose ,and Anthony. His two friends Jose and Anthony were brothers and were really fun to be around. The five friends would hang out mostly every single day and would always do something fun and exciting. They were the five closest friends that anyone ever saw.
On the first day of Ricky's three day break Ricky decided to go to his uncles house because he had not seen his uncles family in a while. Ricky's dad worked close to his uncles house so his dad was able to drop him off before work. Ricky arrived and he was so egar to see his uncles family. Ricky and his cousin were having a good time the while he was there.
Ricky had forgotten that he was suppose to hang out with Jose and Anthony that weekend. Instead of hanging out with each other Jose and Anthony decided to throw a party at their house. At their party there were a lot of people that were not liked by others. Their party ended up getting shot up by unknown people and Jose got hit twice and died.
On Sunday night when Ricky and his dad arrived from his uncles house there was yellow caution tape around Jose and Anthony's house. Ricky's mom was acting as if nothing was wrong but Ricky knew that something was wrong. When she finally told him about what had happened Ricky got really sad. Ricky felt totally responsible because he felt like he could of stopped Jose from getting shot so Ricky felt responsible for what had happened to his good friend Jose.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHands
ReplyDeleteMY hands are my future
“What a catch!” these are the words that stuck in Lazlo’s head they were the words from his six grade football coach. For some reason these words inspired him even to the point to were Lazlo got these words tatted onto his chest. He would always tell his parents “My hands are my future and you’ll regret if I somehow injure them “whenever they told him to do any hard labor with his hands. Lazlo’s dream was to play in the NFL; he had everything planed out already. He wanted to go to the University of Miami and play receiver there for three years and then go into the NFL. He was going to wear number 82, because his college number would be ten and eight plus two equal ten. Most of his plan came out just as he expected to. The only thing is that his parents made him sat in college for at least four years so he can get a degree. Lazlo became the top receiver in the NFL. His teammates began calling him “Hands” after his second year playing. They always joked around saying that he would have ended up being a teacher or something if he were never blessed with such amazing hands. In the game it seems like he never dropped any passes thrown to him, he made his quarterback look like one of the best in the league. Lazlo’s hands became so famous that he even got endorsements deals because of them. It even got to the point to where he got his hands insured for 1.3M dollars. In his 14 year carrier Lazlo won seven super bowls and four super bowl MVP’s. Five years after he retired he was inducted into the Hall of Fame. He would always tell people that every time the quarterback threw him the ball he would try to make everyone watching yell “WHAT A CATCH.”
Fiction Friday GUILT!
ReplyDeleteOne afternoon school just ended, I was with some of my friends just hanging around like usual. I would see my girlfriend Brenda walking towards where I am at. Once I saw her coming I knew it was time to head out. Every after school I would give Brenda a ride home since her mom is always busy with her work. I would give my friends hand shakes letting them know am leaving. I always give hand shakes when I meet a friend or when I have to go. I walk towards Brenda while she walks towards me, my hand shake to Brenda is very different then what I gave to my other friends; a hug. I would carry her and pick her up just for the fun of it. Are you ready to go I would say. As a reply I would see her big smile showing her big cheeks sticking out.
We would get in the car like always I would ask if she is buckled up just to make sure she would be safe. We will always turn on the radio listening 103.9 X station. I like most of the songs that play on that station and there are some that I get really bored not just because they are not good songs just I get bored of listening to the same songs everyday and every afternoon. While giving Brenda a ride home, we got in the freeway. On this afternoon our favorite song came on air, Letters From the Thief by Chevelle. It was playing while on the freeway, we sang the whole song there where be a time when we while see who really knows the whole line or lines of the song. It was funny, when one of us forgot little or some of the lines. It was a great day today seems perfect.
We got off the freeway and the song was still playing and we were still playing our little game. We were having fun, we were really close to Brenda’s house. When once the song was over, I hit something or even someone I didn’t know what it was so I parked to the side and when to check it out. I told Brenda to wait inside and to let me check what it was. It was a dog that I hit. But not just a dog it was Brenda’s dog, Oso. I got back in the car wondering what to tell Brenda or even how to say it. “What happen?” she asked, “did you hit someone? Why you look sad? What did you do?” all I said and could have said was am sorry. Brenda took off her seatbelt and got out of the car to check what happen. Once she saw it was her own dog she was crushed. I was trying to cheer her up but seems that anything I do would have helped. We picked up Oso and took it her house. Brenda’s mom was home and saw Oso was hurt badly. Brenda’s mom took Oso away in her own car. Brenda and I were outside just standing there. She asked me if it was ok to give her time and I did. She gave me our hand shake and walked in her house silent and told her three brothers what happen. I got in the car and left, I feel terrible knowing I just killed their dog; not her dog but a family member. When I got back on the freeway I stared at the radio and I already started to see dust forming.
Inside the planet Earth there were at one time 3 continents. In between these three continents was an island names Eslo where lived the gods with supreme power over all three continents. These gods each controlled a different specialty which was indispensible. The god of these gods was named Pimlo who had long ruled the planet. These gods were rarely seen, and a temple would be erected at the sites at which the gods were seen as these places had extreme powers. The gods never differentiated between the three races which consisted of the Colts which had brute strength, the Nelfs who had sheer brilliance, and the Humans who were the result of breeding between the Colts and the Nelfs. The humans had 40% the strength of Colts and 55% of the intelligence of the Nelfs. This had caused the humans to feel inferior and despise their relatives outside their own race while the Colts and Nelfs thought of Humans as equals.
ReplyDeleteMerely seven solar revolutions ago there had been an accident which caused an inferno so large that it obliterated anything within a 550 chaco radius and severely damaged the land within a 2,500 chaco radius outside of that circle. All three races came together and prayed for countless chakras until the gods decided to provide them all with mercy. It took the gods merely seven genchas to restore the scarred land. For six days they toiled and on the seventh gencha they took a rest. On the seventh gencha the gods went into deep meditation called K’lornel at which period no force known could wake up the gods, not even their own will. The only mistake that these superior beings had made was telling everyone on Earth that they were to be in a different realm for a whole gencha.
The sixth day of which the gods were working, the human leader Poto called every human to the center and capital of their lands named Africa, the biggest and richest city in the human kingdom. The subject was on a way to provide the gods with a way of thanks and every citizen was told to bring all their gold with them. Once everyone arrived to Africa, the gates of the city were locked down and everyone was trapped inside the city. Poto arose and announced that this was the day they were going to become the rulers of the Earth and not the gods, and either the other all the other races could bow down to them or they could be annihilated. The key to this plan was gold. Gold made a shield which could protect the humans from any radiation and could make a weapon so deadly that it could easily annihilate a whole continent. The humans had only one day to build this weapon otherwise the all seeing gods would awaken and discover their plan of domination.
Poto himself delivered a message to the Colt leader Satroin, and the Nelf leader Athren through hologram telling them to take all their people and meet near the island of the gods. The leaders agreed and used their teleportation devices to teleport themselves and their bounties to the island in thanks for the recreation of their beloved land. The Colts and Nelfs waited for the Humans to show, but they did not. The Sol was setting and still no humans appeared. A few minutes before the minutes before the gods were to awaken the Colts and Nelfs were getting ready and brought many gifts for the gods which included every advanced quality of their lives. A few moments before the gods came back to this realm a yellow color not describable by any race except for the awe, happiness and power lightened the dark sky. The bystanders believed that this was the power of the gods returning and having in them instilled the power to govern the world for eternity. Little did these yet living creatures know that their whole civilizations were about to go to a different world. As the light came closer people took in a breath of air and embraced the power thought to be of the gods. The woman, children, and men seemed happy as they would ever be.
In an instant everything was reduced to gas which rose, cooled in the atmosphere and then returned to its rightful place but not as solid, but as liquid. The humans were right about the gold shields protecting them from any radiation, but they did not care to think of the other natural effects of nature. Instantly the temperature of the Earth rose to incredible heights and all the humans which were considerably far from the explosion retreated underground. The panic quickly took over the whole city of Africa and slowly all Human, Nelf, and Colt achievement and knowledge was quickly dispersed of. The humans would have to remain underground for over two millennia. However, the population of humans decreased to only thirty eight females capable to reproducing. The greed and foolish want of power of humans created the “BIG BANG.” In the process they lost everything that they had to live, except gold.
ReplyDeleteHumans are once again getting closer to the level of living they had before the Big Bang. However, gold to this day is coveted by humans. In the current human society gold represents power, strength, and perfection. People also know it as evil in some cultures, in fact there is a human story in the human book called “Book of Exodus” which contains a golden calf representing rebellion against their God. Human obsession of Gold is derived from their ancestor’s greed and self destruction. Hopefully history does not repeat itself.
The Magic of the Moment
ReplyDeleteSome people refer to magic as what is performed by magicians in front of crowds all over the world. In a sense, this is indeed magic, but in a world of smoke and mirrors, there are many different types of magic that may sometimes be appreciated more than others. An especially important kind of magic is the magic of the moment. These moments can range from the magic of a walk on the beach in the evening to the game winning goal that lifted your team over the cross-town rivals and sent you into the playoffs. The magic of the moment, if you pay attention, never quite stops. This is really a life of magic, full of miracles. The miracle of a newborn baby, a symbol of purity and innocence, is enough to humble many. Another example is the magic that flows out of a pianist's hands as he plays his instrument. The magic of the hands playing each key precisely and well up and down the keyboard. The magic of the experienced pianist being able to switch from genre to genre. The magic of Beethoven's well-known classic, "Moonlight Sonata", is evident as our pianist plays the song with it's different measures and foot pedal distributions perfectly, to the magic of being able to successfully play jazz piano with it's many chords and long periods of improvisation, the player may seem overwhelmed when first starting this type of piano playing, but with long hours of practice, this complex art form is obtained and conquered. This is when the magic happens. This is when the fingers glide seamlessly up and down the keyboard performing various chords and scales to the delight of thousands. Magic can also be expressed in our environment and landscape surrounding us. This same magic can be viewed differently in different areas. For example, the magic of each new sunrise, is viewed very differently in the city as opposed to in a secluded hardwood forest in the mountains. In the city, the sunrise is beautiful and brings new life to the sleeping city, which is now showing it's first signs of life as it's millions of inhabitants wake up to go out and meet the new day. You see the people waking up to the paper, while a pot of coffee gently boils on the kitchen counter. The sound of the school buses and taxis taking child and parent to their destination of the day. In the forest, the sunrise brings with it, the many sounds and sights particular to this biome. The first rays of sunshine gently falling through the maple trees is accompanied by a songbird's waking cry. As the natural and pristine scene unfolds around you, you notice the many other components of the forest. The crystal clear, bubbling mountain stream, a young doe with her fawn, two squirrels absent-mindedly chasing each other across the boughs of the oak trees above you, and that crisp, clean mountain air. As this scene is presented before you, you are lost in it's majesty, in it's wonder, in the magic of it all. You see, there is magic in everything around you, you just have to stop and listen and you will find it there. Waiting for someone to appreciate and bask in it's wonder. Waiting, for you.
Fiction Friday-Magic
ReplyDelete(The magic of race wars)
In a time we like to call Race Wars.There was a handsome fellow that went by the name Damian but there was only 1 person who called him (Mr.Magic).This guy had it all he had the looks,house,job,girl,and his most prized possestion his car. Mind you this car was not some cheap car found at the corner of rel rosa. This car was built by his own two hand from scratch.It start as a peice of metal and turned out to be a master piece.Thing is it was not the cars look that caught the attention it was what was under hood.Its was the reason why every Honda and Acura owner envyed him in the race wars world.You might be asking your self what was under the hood right? well he had an engine that no man has ever heard about this engine was the first of its kind.Its was a fully built 7 cylinder 20" pistons and the most important part it didnt only have 1 cam nor 2 nor 3 it was a quad cam z200 vtec engine.Putting about 10,000HP to the wheels.There no way in any ones right mind to even try to out run this car.His 1st gear went up to 150 before he shifted to 2nd.In the land of race wars he was number 1 but not for long.There was another guy named Ray that always tryed to race Damian but could never keep up with his super fast car.Ray had a secret for the next race wars match.A match that happened in the world of Race wars every 4 years.4 years ago Damian embarrased Ray with his z200 engine.He left ray so far behind it was like magic.Ray told damian "just wait till 4 years you wont be Mr.Magic anymore.I promise you".4 years had past by and no body in race wars had even heard a word from ray.The day of the match came and damian is at the starting line of the race ready to amaze people once more.The race starts with 3 gun shots by a guy Alonso.Alonso puts his gun up 1(bang)2(bang) 3 (bang) you could just hear the sound of burning tires every one full with excitement and the blurryness of so much rubber burnt,but Damian disapointed because ray was no where to be found.The race comes around to the 2nd lap out of 10 laps.Damian is hardly even trying because he finds no point.All of a sudden Damian takes a turn at 300mph and notices a red car drifting into the same turn he took.The car gets by the side of Damian and says "Mr.Magic huh.we will see if your keep you name by the end of tonight".Then Damian down shifts and so does ray.They just start going at it taking turns at 800mph drifting,double clutch just hearing the sound of vtec crack on both cars. suddenly the race comes down to the last lap. Damian and ray are going so fast hiting turns at vigorus speeds that nether of them have pushed them selves to drive to.They were determin to figure out the winner.The last lap comes around Damian and ray are right on each other.They drift into the turn down shift and floor it all the way to the finish line.The crowed is silent waiting to see who crosses first.You can hear the sound coming down the mountain (vrrroooooommmmmm) They both cross the line and declar that Mr.Magic is (to be continued).
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW THE STORY END PLEASE COMMENT :)
Fiction Friday- "Magic" 2nd Person
ReplyDeleteHave you ever just had a bad day and wanted to fall off the face of the Earth? Or, you get so frustrated that you want to break something or scream in your pillow as loud as you can to the top of your lungs. Did you know that 80% of society is depressed most of their adult lives, because their lives were not magical. You do not want to be depressed your whole life do you? You need something to inspire yourself. That something is magic! Magic can make you believe in yourself. Magic can turn your frown upside down. Just to let you know, this is not the magic you see at San Bernardino's annual talent show. The magic I'm talking about is inspirational magic.
When your favorite song is played on the radio or shuffled from a selection of music from your iPod, your super favorite song will probably make you sing along and dance as well. Now can you really say this is magic or a miracle. You cannot physically touch magic. Although, you can mentally, emotionally,and spiritually feel it. Magic is what wakes you up to go to work or school at 5 in the morning.
Is it posible that magic can be mistaken for luck? When something "out of this world" happens to you and you only? The phrase "that was magic or "you are so lucky" comes to mind right away.
Can we physically become magical and help ourselves ? Or maybe there is no such thing as magic and everything happens for a reason. To some extent magic, can be used as a sixth sense to know when and where to reap fabulous rewards. While others, can only obtain magic every once in a while.
Fiction Friday—Guilt
ReplyDelete“It’s my entire fault”
Once upon a time there was a girl who had a bad child hood growing up. The only good thing about her childhood she loved was the quality time she had with her dad. They had a lot in common. He loved basketball and so did she. Throughout her elementary and most of her middle school, they would always play basketball. He showed her al lot of good strategies to learn in basketball. He always thought his daughter had the potential to be a great basketball player. They watched all the basketball on TV every time there was a game. His favorite team was the Detroit Pistons and his favorite number was 3. She made that her favorite too. They both liked the same football team also, the 49ers. They had some awesome times together.
Things started to get bad overtime, he started getting sick. He started having heart troubles. Even though he couldn’t do as much as he used to when him and his daughter hung out, he was still there for her, coaching her on basketball. Months pasted the girl was in the 8th grade year of school. Her dad was getting sicker. Her mom didn’t really care much. She ended up cheated on him behind his back. The girl knew all about it, she wanted to tell her dad but her mom told her not to say anything yet and that she was going to tell him when the time was right. The girl never hid anything from the dad and this was the biggest secret of all time. She knew her mom hasn’t been happy for awhile now but she didn’t know what to do. Everything soon began to fall apart. The mom ended up leaving her dad for her new boyfriend and she moved in with him along with the girl and her two brothers. The dad had no clue about anything, he was so heartbroken. He tried everything to get her back but it was too late. The girl felt so guilty and hurt inside.
Time past, she didn’t see her dad as often, probably like five times a week. The days got shorter. The mom’s new boyfriend didn’t allow the girl to see her dad a lot. She tried seeing her dad as much as she could. It ended up of her just seeing on the weekends.
One weekend the girl’s older sister wanted to take her and the brothers out. So the girl goes to see her dad before she leaves to her sisters. She knew that something was wrong, like something didn’t feel right. The dad said he will fine and everything’s going to be alright. She gives the dad a kiss and tells him that she will see him on Monday. The weekend went by and my sister was taking us home. Her mom called tell them to hurry and come home she has some bad news she has to tell us. So we rushed home. Her mom told her that the dad was in the hospital and he might not make it. When the girl heard what the mom said, she felt like all guilt went to her, she felt like there was something eating at her insides. The girl started thinking to herself he’s going to make; he’s not going to die. Next thing you know the phone rings. My mom picks up and the doctor says he has passed away.
…This will be the end of my story. It was touching for me to write it, so I hope it was toughing for you to read it. The girl in the story feels so guilty and she blames herself for her dad’s death. She thinks if she would have let her dad know what was going on none of this would have happened. Her dad died of a broken heart and that hurts the girl sooo much. She hates her mom for leaving her dad because if she didn’t do what she did, he would have still been alive. So she is also the blame. It’s going to take a lot for the girl to get over this.
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ReplyDeleteFiction Friday
ReplyDelete(The world of race wars)
This world starts off with a guy with dreams that were bigger then the world.His name is Damian aka RW King the abriviation (RW) ment race wars.This guy had it all he had the looks,house,girl,family,But most important he had his most prized possetion that was his car.This car was no regular car you find for sale in the corner of a street called Rel Rosa.This car ment everything thing to him it was a completed master piece that only a real car guy would understand.Damian took his dream of creating what he only saw in his dream.He started to build this car out of a single piece of metal putting together 1 peice at a time.Wating till the day his dream was completed.Finally he did it,he completed his car,Thing is this car was no ordinary car this car was not about the looks the only thing that really mattered was what was under the hood the looks of the car was just a benifit to the overall materpiece.Every Honda/Acura owner in the world would envy this car one day.You might be asking your self "well whats under that hood".This engine was bulit from the ground up a 7 cylinder block,20" pistons,not 1 cam nor 2 nor 3 this car was special.It was what we call in race wars The a RW200 quad cam vtec engine.This engine putting out about 10,000hp to the tires it was what we call now a beast in the race wars world.every body envyed damian having the fastest car in the race wars world no one had a chance to even race him.Damian left ever person so face beind that you would feel like your drive a bick agaist a car.Damian awating the match that would bring him up to the top he just needed to take out 1 person to be what we call him today RW king. That guys name was Ray.Nobody knowing what he had under his hood but still ray took out every car that came his way.The day of the race came Damian showed up and lined up on the peek of the mountain we call pacific.The race was a 10 lap race,The scariest corse in race wars history. only Ray has ever made it down alive.Damian determined to win over the name RW KING.The starts with 3 gun shots shot by a guy named Alonso.cars Are lined up reving there engines to 3500 rpm.All of a sudden 1(bang) 2(bang) 3(bang).You could just hear rubber being burt your eyes covered by a huge smoke cloud.Your excitment just off the walls jumping and screaming.Ray and damian are in the lead both just driffting down the moutain(vrrroooom).Damian takes the lead and wins ray.Ray so embarssed gives his tittle of RW king and passes it to the new RW king.Ray tells damian "you might have the tittle now but you we will see who has it in the next 4 years ill be back to win my tittle Mr.RW king". Ray jumping in his car and leaves.As Damian stays with the new tittle RW king his dream had finally came true.4 years passed and it time to see if ray would meet up to his word.RW king was only looking forward to this race for him.He knew he could take any car in Race wars but he didnt know what ray had coming his way.No matter what situation Damian was ready for what ever.The days comes of the greatest day of race wars had came.Damian number on lined up at the starting line waiting for ray to show it was time.They asked Rw king if he wanted to race with out ray showing up he said "i have to give the people the show they came to watch". Alonso gets his gun ready shots the 1st (bang) 2nd (bang) 3rd(bang). Every body just takes off Damian of course winning everybody it comes around to the 2nd lap and damian starts to open up to take this turn.All of a sudden you see a red car with yellow light just zooming down the mountain this car drifted at the same turn damian took.The car gets to the side of damian and let alone it was ray he told RW king "HMM Mr.Rw King huh lets see if you will still be named that by the the end".
Ray down shifts and takes of infront of damian.Damian shocked but excited down shifts right behind ray and takes of take the next turn and 450mph.It was what damian had been waiting for. Drifting on ever turn creating clouds of smoke the both other them.All of a sudden the last lap comes around they are taking the last turn and they both get the perfect drift into that turn they down shift look at each other and floor it.Going so fast the vibrations on the road were felt threw the steering wheel.The crowed silent shocked waiting to see who was going to be crowned the new RW king.The crowed looking up seeing the lights of the cars coming closer hearing the vtec of the engines crack(vrrrooommmm).The get to the finish line and.
ReplyDelete(to be continued)
If you want to know how it ends please comment!
yes i know i have so many grammar mistakes. but i had previously written this but it erased. so i rushed to just get this one done
ReplyDeleteFiction Friday- Guilt
ReplyDelete"Over a seat"
Once upon a time there was Tom in the bus stop waiting impatiently,"Uhhh when is the bus going to come" Tom replied in the hot sun. After five minutes the bus turn from the corner Tom looked foward and said,"Finally".Then Tom got into the bus,pays one fifty and looks around for a seat. "Ah ha there's one" he walked over there and took a seat quitely.
The bus driver drove and drove until he got to the next stop; after ten minutesof driving the bus was getting fulled. When the bus got to third street the bus stopped because there was a couple of people wanting to get in the bus. A young man, old lady with a beautiful shirt, and a women entered the bus and they all paid for their ticket to get in,then they all looked around for a seat. From all the people in bus everyone had a seat except the old lady which later on a had heard her name was Mary. A lady in the back side of the bus screamed,"Hi Mary how have you been"? Mary later responded "Well thank you for asking" and she walked to look for a seat, but nothing was found there was no one who volunteer to give there seat for Mary.
The bus driver kept on driving for more than ten minutes Tom replied, "I need ten more minutes he needs to hurry up or I'm going to be late".Poeple came more impatiete with the bus driver, which was driving thirty miles per hour, they were all mad and screamed, "Hurry up".The driver felted nervous and drove quicker, then he turned the corner very fast and that caused for Mary to fall. Everyone was screaming, and looked confused, the lady screamed, "Mary". After a couple of minutes Mary did not respond so te lady walked down to look for her whe nshe saw her laying in the ground, she could hear Mary complaing about her shoulder.The lady said,"Mary are you ok"Mary could not even talk everyone said,"Call the ambulance". After ten minutes the ambulance arrived and took Mary to the hospital; Tom felted bad because there was no family members with her so he had decided to not go to work and go with Mary to the hospital. Tom walked back and forth nervous waiting for the doctor to come back with news of Mary. Then about thirty minutes later Mary came back with her doctor with a perscription for some medicine that he had perscribe. The doctor explain how mary was doing to Tom and he said, "I'll take care of her doctor do not worry". Later Tom and Mary walked out the hospital. Mary said, "Thank you for coming with me I've better go now thank you" and she left. Tom ran to catch up with her Mary wait I'll walk you home, she looked back and said, "Really" Tom said, "Sure". So they both walked down the streets conversating about each one of them until Mary said," This is my house" then Tom said, "Well you take care Mary" and he walked away. Mary looked back and said, "Thank you again","No problem" Tom said and left. While Tom walked back to the closes bus stop he rembered Mary and said to himself, "Maybe if I had gave up my seat all this would not happend" and he walked.
The End :)
This shows how being lazy can cause many trouble to others and could potiently create a guilt in our minds.
Fiction Friday
ReplyDelete(hands)
Last night i woke up in the middle of the night, something was different my hands had this shake as if i could hardly keep them still.This was very unusual seeing on how i'm a master pickpocket.You see its a simple skill to master as long as you have a steady handIt seems as if ever sense i took that stone from that crazy guy who stands out side of my appartments.He's quite interessting with his tall tales of traveling to distent and aquireing cursed treasures, which he blames on his current state of well being crazy.Cuirous, as me being a pickpocket i desided to see if he had this so called treasures on him.He had the stone with these bizare carvings in them.I figured that he did it him self and i really doubt that my hand starting to shake is much of a curse.So i went on with my daily buisness finding some treasures of my own in some unlucky victims pocket, then make my way to the pawn shop.As i walked up to the first guy my hand got the shake, only this time it was worse.It seemed as if i was being shocked in my arm.He looked at me with an odd akward look on is face and walked on by.Now this shaking was getting to me and making me angry so i went home.That night i didnt sleep voices filled my head it was only to but they talked so much."Find a knife","you know you deserve this" they yelled and yelled.The voices got louder and louder.i started on contemplating on weather i should listen to them i just wanted them to stop.my hand completely moving on there own free will were trying to cralw there way to the kitchen. i tried puing back but i had no control."hurry he needs to pay" the vouces were so loud i couldnt even hear my own thoughts.Some how my hands managed to get me to the kitchen were they found some knifes."this one looks big enough"one voice yelled as my hand picked up a large knife.I yelled or help but alls i got in return was the verious noises from my appartment neighbors and some yelled back "quiet out there".the knife now inches away from my arm never looked so menesing then it did now.it made a cut and kept going my screams, now heard from te other end of town were stll getting no responses.I stil had no control over my hands but i stil tried pulling away, the voices now began to chant louder and louder i couldnt take it i couldnt even hear my door being kicked in or the police officer yelling put the knife down.They kept getting louder , the knife kept getting deeper and my screams became so loud,"cut it off cut it off" they began chanting and yelling,then nothing no more noises.I was laying on the floor in the kitchen and my arms were to my side.The cop ask "sir are you ok" i just answered with a laugh.Now im in an assylum and every now and then i get a twitch in my hands. The end
Fiction-Friday-Guilt-Hello and Good-bye
ReplyDeleteThere is a lady who has two daughter's and no husband. Both daughter's were around their mid-twenty's.Her husband had died when the daughter's were young. The oldest daughter Jessica is married and the another sister Brittany has a boyfriend. The mother has told a way life to girls that has change their lives.
The mom had teaches the girls a wrong that it effect their lives.The mom always said that she was right and had the last saying. Also, not to say how would they feel about something. So, the girls grew up to just listen and be quiet.
Brittany has a job as a a architect. Her boyfriend has just ask her to marry him. On the day of the wedding the mom tells her something. She say he did her a favor because guys would want a girl like her. that she was save from being alone. Brittany didn't say anything because she was told so and got married.
One day Brittany was happy and sad. At work she was told that they want it to use one of her ideas. But, later they told her that they were going to use her idea but, use someone else. The husband had seen her different action and told her how she felt. But, she didn't want to talk about what happen and the husband started to think it might be the mom's fault.
The other sister Jessica had problems with her husband. She so many problems and had turn in to a alcohol-it person. Jessica husband had left her for not opening with him. She later decision to kill her self. Brittany had just try to talk and was going to help Jessica to do the same thing.
The mom couldn't believe it and started ask herself she raise her daughter's right. Brittany was so aspect with her mother and finally told her hoe she felt. The husband told her it was a mistake and to forgive her mother. The mom beaned ti on herself ans felt so much guilt. But, the daughter said that she forgive her. Also, to start a new change she could help with the the new yo came. the end
To Sandra:
ReplyDeleteI like the story you wrote. As a was reading it it reminded me of a movie I saw called "Now You See It...." I like the plot of the story and how it started with the boy signing up of the magic competition and end with him winning the whole thing am dbecoming the greats magician. Overall the story was great.
To Angie:
I will start of by saying when reading the short story shock me. In addtion the story had a deep meaning to a depression that the girl had for what happened to her that night. Also that the story is well written with some grammatical errors. Plus, I like how the story is written out and it make you think why the girl kills herself. Overall, I like the story you wrote.
To Mauicio G:
ReplyDeletei like your story. i like the fact that through out the story you never mention the owner of the hands. not untill the very end. i thouht that was clever and interesting. i also enjoyed the topic. of course those very famous paintings would never have been if it werent for hands. i think something you could improve on is adding more interesting words. so your diction in other words. the more interesting your word choice, the more interesting the story. my question to you is, "Why did you choose to mention that the hands belonged to Da Vinci until the end?"
To Angela G.:
WOW. i didn expect such a story from ou Angie. but besides that i was surprised that i liked it. i liked the plot and how the sad events led up to the end where she felt the guilt. kind of like suspence...kinda. the tone was very sad and dark. but i like the fact that you wrote about something that people wouldn't expect you to wite about. the harsh topic sort of surprised me. the question i have for you is, "Why did you choose to write your story the way you did?"
To Luke J.: Good job on your creativity and it's a little creepy. Also, your character has good detail on what he is doing. Needs to be carefully with capitalization specially with 'I'. The story was interesting.
ReplyDeleteTo Jazmin: Good job on giving different tone to like tried to scary to wondering. Also, I seems like he was having a bad not lazy. Check your words if your words correct spelled.
Fiction Friday - Hands
ReplyDelete"Never Give Up"
Most of us today do have our hands, however, there are people out there who don't. Many people who don't use their hands to write because they don't have any, they use their feet. Some people have to be fed and helped out most of their day because of the fact they don't have hands to help them out. On television, I have seen people who use their feet to write and eat, but not everyone without hands can do this task. It is a challenge for them each and every day of their life. They fight and do whatever they can to get through life happy and fearless. I saw this guy, Nick Vujicic who had no feet or arms and he is a happy and successful man respected by all people. He goes to schools and other places to give speeches of encouragement and to never give up because as long as you try, you will succeed. He made himself fall and asked, "How am I supposed to get up if I have no arms or legs?" I thought it was impossible because he had no arms or legs to help him get up, but he used his head to get himself up. This guy is a big inspiration on me as well as many other people out there. He teaches people that if they fall down, never give up, and get back on top. He gets through life . He golfs and tries everything he can which inspires people to never give up in anything they do. He speaks and encourages people to keep going in life, even though something might be wrong with you. When you look at a person like that, you think to yourself, how does he get through life and do a lot of things I would have never thought. For everyone who thought that as well, he proves how he can physically and mentally. He has the mentality that no matter what's wrong, I will always achieve and live life without giving up or putting my head down. The thing I will most remember about what he said us, "When you fall, always get back up no matter what."
(Posting for Edith Jimenez)
ReplyDeleteAs Cristiano Ronaldo walked down the sports arena, the crowd rose to their feet. They had been waiting countless hours to see their beloved MVP of the year. Yes this year was full of possible nominees, but Cristiano Ronaldo out did them all. He was wearing a gray suit with a pink dress-up shirt underneath. At first it seemed as though he was wearing slacks. As he approached center stage, it became clear that he was wearing the world's most expensive soccer cleats. What better cleats to accompany the world's greatest soccer player to ever walk the planet. His gleaming smile matched the diamond encrusted watch that he had bought the night before. This unique watch had been imported from Spain. Everything that he wore was custom made. Nothing could ruin this amazing night. As he approached the center stage the cheering got louder. As a sign of respect, the nominees attended the event. In the first two rows sat David Beckham, Guillermo Ochoa, Kobe Bryant, Paul Pierce, and Dwight Howard. Despite the fact that Cristiano Ronaldo had won the MVP award, these athletes had done an outstanding performance. From Kobe's leadership to Leo's mad skills. There was just one thing that any of these athletes lacked. This was the legendary bronzed skin tone that he had. He was the epitome of perfection because he had the complection, talent, and a great personality. The time came when he walked up the steps. One by one slowly approaching his destination. As he got closer, the cheering got louder and louder. He reached the last step. Little did he know that his cleat became untied. As he took off his foot off of the last step, he placed the other one on top of the shoe lace. The shoe lace caused a big disruption that night. Cristiano Ronaldo's kneecaps hit the ground with great force, causing his entire body to follow through with the motion. He layed on the stage for a few seconds before he got up. The crowd silenced and the paparazzi went wild. Once he got up, the expression on his told the whole world about hids embarrasment. As he stood still, David Beckham kicked a soccer ball to his head. At that instant Cristiano Ronaldo woke up. The reality was that his son had thrown a soccer ball at his head, and he would be receiving the award that night. "The award for most valuable player goes to Cristiano Ronaldo" said the host. Cristiano Ronaldo received a standing ovation. In all of my years of being a ticket master, I had never seen anything like it. What a night.
To Alex- I like your Fiction Friday story you did a great job you stayed on tasked with your tone.But there was a couple of grammer mistakes throughout the story, also make sure when you are writting a senrence or a fact that involves a conversation to but qoutation marks.
ReplyDeleteTo Jazzmin-Good story . You do have a couple of grammar misakes.Although your story was intersting but you should write more to provide more details for the reader to understand well.
Alex G.: Your essay was interesting. It caught my attention in the first paragraph and you used a lot of details to create an image for me. Two things that you can revise on is your grammar because you have quite a few mistakes and your sentence structure because they seemed a bit choppy to me. Why did you choose to write about this specifically?
ReplyDeleteNancy: Your story was interesting as well. The plot was very interesting. I saw a movie like this before and your story, in my opinion, summarized the movie very well. One thing you can work on is your sentence structure. Another thing is the use of details because I felt that your story lacked details. Did you write this story out of experience?
To Chanel:
ReplyDeleteYour fiction friday was very creative and i liked the plot and how you had the crash lead to her going to the hearing school and learning sign language.
You could have more detail into the accident and injuries that she has. Also you could have better diction, use more intellectual words, and ones that grab the readers attention
"why did you choose the main character to be on the phone and a car to hit her?"
To Destanie:
Again, I like your plot, how it included her likes and dislikes. I liked your creativity in this essay, you included specific actors and actresses.
You need to work on your spelling,another part that needs work that I noticed is your diction just as Chanel, you should be using more intellectual and attention grabbing words.
(to Jazzmin)
ReplyDeleteI liked your story. And the problems that your characters faced were easy to connect with. However, it would've been better with more descriptions and a little more feeling.
(to Damian)
ReplyDeleteYou would write about cars! lol. I loved the feeling you incorporated in your story. It made it more believable and very visual. And I can tell you love the subject by the descriptions you put into your writing.
To Nickey: Your story was very sad. In the beginning it reminded me of A Cinderella Story, probably because you started off your story with "Once upon a time." I'm a sucker for fairy tale stories so I was immediately drawn to your story. I felt sympathy for the girl and the dad when I read the girl's mom was cheating on him. Your diction definitely inspired that feeling! I also admire the plot, because it doesn't have a happy ending. It just goes to show that not all fairy tales all end in skipping and laughter. The ending is also mostly left to the reader's interpretation on how the girl copes and lives her life without her dad, because it doesn't really mention that. You could improve on your point-of-view. At one point you switched to first person and I got confused. You could also give the characters names. It would have given your story a more realistic feeling to it. My question for you is: Is this story based from real experiences?
ReplyDeleteTo Eric B: Your story made me laugh! The tone is most obviously humorous, and that's what I like about it. You presented that humorous tone effortlessly. For example, your dialogue: the conversation Nigiel and Chris had that brought the revelation of their crush, and when Nigiel exclaimed "What the fidoodle!" when he saw Bertha with another man (that made me laugh out loud!). I also love the plot: two best friends who love their best girl friend. One of the most classic teenage love stories out there (and yes, I'm also a sucker for classic teenage love stories as well). One thing you could improve in your story is paragraph structure. Your whole story is bunched up into one paragraph and it would have looked a little bit nicer if they were all separated. You also have some spelling and grammar mistakes that you should check on. My question for you is: Who is the character that feels the most guilt? Nigiel or Chris?
Good job you two! Awesome job on your Fiction Friday stories!
(Posting for Andrew Hawkins) - PART 1
ReplyDeleteFiction Friday- Guilt
Torn by a Berry
It has been nearly two decades since the best friendship on Planet T06 tragically came to an end. It all started in 6160 with the new revelation on chocolate covered eggrolls. Everyone who was anyone was involved with the whole ordeal, including best friends Klepto Galore and Kalypso Garica. The two buddies went on their merry little way to the convention completely hyped about the new food. Out of no where Klepto said “You have to promise me that no matter how amazing this would taste, we would
always stay friends.”
“Now you’re just being silly!” Kalypso exclaimed, “there’s no way an eggroll
would tear apart a bond so strong.”
Little did Klepto know, it actually would not be the eggrolls, but Berry Blossums,
the most amazing girl of all Planet T06. Klepto was hit, hit hard.
“Oh my gosh Kalypso, I totally think I’m in love.”
“Wow, are the eggrolls really that good?”
“Not the eggrolls loser, I am talking about her!”
Kalypso slowly turned his head as Klepto stood admiring her.
“She’s alright, I guess; if you like that sort of stuff,” Kalypso joked.
“Well what’s that supposed to mean.”
“Nothing really, she just doesn’t seem like your type.”
Klepto retaliated with, “You let me decide on who is and isn’t my type, who asked you anyway!”
(Posting for Andrew Hawkins) - PART 2
ReplyDeleteFiction Friday- Guilt
Torn by a Berry
As time proceeded, the event grew much more engaging; dragonfly races, balloon stretching, planet tossing, potato sniffing; so many things to do yet all Klepto could do was think about Berry. Finally he confided in Kalypso his true feelings.
“Kalypso! I can not take this unbearable sensation much longer, I must have her now, you have to help me!” begged Klepto.
“Okay keep your trousers on and watch me work my magic.”
It was not until Kalypso approached Berry when he realized how truly beautiful she was. She had the most elongated tentacles known to man, a snout so wide it could easily swallow Pluto, and skin so wrinkly it sagged for days.
“Why hello there; I am Guy Kalypso Garica and I could not help but mention your striking facial features, what’s your secret?”
“Oh Guy Garica, you flatter me, but it’s no secret, just years of mercury exposer; but enough about me, what’s your story?”
Through all the conversing Kalypso totally forgot about his dear friend Klepto. Unfortunately Kalypso worked his magic a bit too much and ended up with a new girl, Berry. He could not bear to come clean about his betrayal, so when he finally saw his friend later that evening he calmly said “Sorry dude, but she’s already in a committed relationship.”
Klepto was absolutely destroyed. The next few days following the convention were dreadful; Klepto was a walking zombie, a dead soul in the streets. That all changed when one day, while slumping to the nearest Rent-a-Shoe, Klepto seen Kalypso and Berry, together!
“Liar, liar, liar! How could you do this to me?” cried Klepto.
Kalypso was in complete shock, unable to speak; Berry was just as mystified not knowing what was going on. Following that blue day, Klepto went into an even deeper trance; quitting his job as an astronaut resulting in no house, no food, no life! From that day he was caught, Kalypso always regretted not coming clean from the start. He blamed Klepto’s misfortunes on himself. No matter how hard he tried, he still could never get those dreadful words out his mind; “Liar, liar, liar!”
To my brother Damian Marquez:
ReplyDeleteYour spectacular story had me at the edge of my seat in amazment. I couldnt take my eyes off the screen as I read your exiting story! The vigorous race scenes in my mind keep playing back like a five star movie. Your great detailed and vast vocabulary made the imagery in my head feel as if I was there. I believe that your story should be made into a movie.(Thats how good I imagined it in my head.)
To Sahara:
ReplyDeleteYour fiction friday about hands is very very true. I my self don't know what I would do if I didnt have any hands! With out my hands I would be so miserable as well, I completely agree with you. Your examples of how we use our hands in our every day life really opened my eyes to how much we take our hands for granted. I dont think any of us in this world look at our hands daily and admire all the things they allow us to do, and your fiction friday really expresses the importance of our hands. Good job in helping me realize how extravigant and amazing our hands are. I wont ever take my hands for granted again.
To Abby: Your story had me glue to the seat from the beginning to the end. The plot made me sad and the ending was not what I expected to be. I expected a happy ending but I guess that's what make me like the story even more, that it didn't have a happily ever after. I like the way you describe hands, you put them in so many characteristics I never thought of before.
ReplyDeleteTo Andrew: You story was hilarious, I like the way you described Berry. The plot seem cliche but when you made the charaters into aliens you made your plot unique.
TO Angie: I eally liked your story, I like the way you keeped the mood and tone tied together. I also liked that you keeped the readers attention. It keeped the reader wondering what was going to happen next. The only question I have for you is why did you chose tyo write this story under "guilt".
ReplyDeleteto damian i like the way you wrote a story about something that you like which is your car. I like the way you keeped your tone the same through out story.
To Abby:
ReplyDeleteWow your story was amazing.It gave me chills haha. I like the way you described hands. It was very sad how he had to live through that. Also when he said he wouldn't turn out to be like his father and in the end of the story it's surprising because he does turn out to be like him. Your an amazing writer(:
To Oscar:
I liked your fiction friday. Its kind of similar to mines. I liked how you used examples like the guy you talked about Nick Vujicic how he lives through life with no hands and legs and how his still sucessful in life. Its nice to know he was an inspiration to you. Nice job(:
To Curly Karen, I liked the tone and the many details you used to describe how the detective felt when he saw his dead daughter. I felt as if i was in the detective's situation. One thing you can work on is on having a better ending i felt that you didnt really finsh writing. Why did you finsh writing about Jane Doe?
ReplyDeleteTo Alonso, I liked the way you described "Paradise". I would like to live there. A thing you need to work on is writing more detail and talking about a topic. Ifelt as if you just a story with out a topic. What was your topic?
@ Vjunnia
ReplyDeleteI thought that you had a great story. It liked your story plot, because Tyler slowly realizes what he is doing. You used foreshadowing to let the reader know what could happen next. Then, in the end, you did not straight out say that he kills himself, and rather explained it with details. The things that you could do to make your story better are describing Tyler’s character, and giving more details on what the arguments were.
@ Curly Karen
I liked the mystery aspect and the detective’s story about your plot. I like the way that you tie n his job and his past, because it explains why his job is so important. By the end of the story, the reader feels sympathy towards him. To make your story better you should make a better transition when changing the time of the story. You should also give your main character and his daughter a name so it makes it seem more real.
TO Raymond:
ReplyDeleteI loved your story about your grandfathers hands. Its a good story and makes sense. It was a great story for the subject of hands. I liked how your grandfathers joke was true. As I read your post I notice you didnt understand your grandfathers shame of his hands. I believe your Grandfather wanted you to have a better life than he did. Most of our older relatives or guardians want our generation to have a better life. I also believe that you dont have a pyshical labor job to have "hard hands"or honor. As long as you work hard in any job you have whiether its in a office, battle field, taco stand, or even at the gas station, you deserve to have honor. From one young man to another, I truely hope you figure out what kind of man you are. I hope we all do.
To Luke J:
ReplyDeleteYour story fits your personality Luke. I realy liked it, it was Like a young R.L. Stine book. I notice some errors in your writting. Some of the words were missed spelled like "yours", "stone" and other words. You were missing a comma in the middle part of the story. I also believe you should have wrote the significance of your hands. Your story also seems it was continued from a previouse story. Is there a oart one of your story? Other than that great job!
To: Vijunnia
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story because you made me want to keep reading
so it grabbed my attention. Your story was very creative but just make sure to work on your grammar and diction.
To: Sahara
what i liked about your story is that you pointed out how hard life would be without hands and it made me think. You were creative with story so that was good. Some things that you must improve are spelling and grammar.
To Marrisa: You did a good gob in making unique characters and showinging their feelings like when you made the wife feel, "...she shook her head hesitantly worried of what may come." You need to work on making your writing proper with the right gramer, spelling, and punctuation. In the end it was hard to understand with all the mistakes you made, so you sould always look over your writing carfully. What do you think the wife would be more upset about her husband lieing to her, or losing millions of dollars?
ReplyDeleteTo Lena: The plot of your story was well written, and had me in suspence. I thought maybe the kid suffered some serous head trama with the diction you used "white-washed". You only made a few mistakes in grammer like "...coat and keys and sprinted out the door." That sould have been made into a series, but over all it was under standable and intresting to read. What do you think those girls care more about a boy's safety, or their reputation as baby sitters?
@ oscar
ReplyDeleteI liked the way you used hands for your fiction friday. It made me realize how much i do not appreciate my hands. I enjoyed the details you gave about all those who do not have hands.
@ eric
I enjoyed reading your story about guilt. The setting took place in a good location. The part when they were talking about the girl was very funny to me. I found it interisting the way you used guilt.
Brenda- i am very amazed how great you describe you characters and the setting i was able to picture everything in the story. i also liked how u used the time in the story i thought it was really creative. you should make some parts of your story more clear. for example "cold blood rushing to the top of Barnabee’s head" i didnt understood it till a good friend of mine explain it to me. my question is what made you write a horror story?
ReplyDeleteTo Chanel:Your fiction friday story about hands was touching.It made me have mixed feelings torwards real deaf people, feeling a little pity and mostly joy to find that deaf people are exactly like people who can speak if not better.
ReplyDeleteI liked how the main character had a friend to show her around a new school.On the other hand, there were a fair ammount of grammatical errors in the essay.There were also a couple of sentences that did not make that much sense. Is the main character deaf or blind because there is a part where Alice says that she cannot see but later,but later on is saying that she is deaf?
To Raymond:This story sounded really cool,it felt as if I had been told a story from my grandpa(a cool one).I especially liked the part about if you wanted to be the type of person with rough or soft hands. Your story seemed a little too short. The part about your grandpa looking at his hands felt like it was kind of pointless,only because that was the only part that the grandfather was part of.Would you get the job done if you had soft hands??
@ Morban!:
ReplyDeletea) Morban, I really loved the way you put your creativity into the story. The fact that the radio was what held the two characters together symbolized your connection. At the end of the story, your creativity foreshadowed that the radio will no longer be used; thus the vision of the radio forming dust was a great hint!
b) Your sentence structure could be improved if you had the proper grammar. You had some run-ons but the context was still clear. You could also improve your diction by adding in more that every-day vocabulary.
c) In regards to your Friction Friday story, what do you believe are other symbols in your story and how do they juxtapose the symbols? And also, how could you kill my dog Morban!?!?
@J.C:
a) I liked your tone and the examples you used to convey your ideas. Tour tone did not give me, as the reader, the feeling of your subject; however, your tone and thought remained serious and demonstrated the way magic is viewed by you. The examples you used illustrated your tone and complimented the subject of your Friction Friday.
b) Your diction could be improved to hook the reader more with vivid details rather that olfactory details. Your creativity could be improved should you add in vivid details.
c) You say “The magic of the moment…never quite stops,” but it does after a while. How do you believe that it never quite stops?
@Morban!: the purpose of the uncalled-for descriptions of Barnabee is meant to have the reader think about what is being done. In that case, I was trying to make that reader realize that he was being choked. What made me write a horror story was that I knew it would be more appealing and interesting to the reader if it hooked them fear or suspense.
ReplyDeleteTo Jazzmin: Your guilt story's tone sad, i felt myself in the story. Because I to was taught to keep things to myself. They part were it got me the most emotional was when the mom told her daughter that she is lucky she is getting married, because no one would want her. For a girl/woman to think that even her mom believes she doesn't deserve to be happy would probably hurt her self-esteem and make herself feel like she is not good enough. Your story was very creative because, Family death's can effect a family in a lot of ways; in this case it affected the mother who affected her two girl to not live normal lives and to express themselves freely. Which caused one of the girls to commit suicide. That made the story intense, but the diction was okay, you messed up on some of your word placements.
ReplyDeleteTo:Justin
Your Magic writing was very interesting to read. I didn't think of it that way, That maybe we mistake "luck" with "magic". Your proved your points.I didn't know that 80% of adults are depressed because there lives were never magical. It makes sense because, once your an adult you don't believe in magic, because your an adult you might think more logically and most adults i met a super bitter.
Your story made me think about this "magic" in my life. It was really creative to bring in outside information into your writing. I think it should of been longer, but i was very astonished.
@ Janna: Great Job! I like the way you make this story about being guilty comedic. Also, it is flawless in grammar and punctuation. In fact the paper is so perfect that I couldn't find anything to complain about. Grawesome job JannaBear!
ReplyDelete@ Abby: Another amazing job! Your story was to me, chilling and frightening because men like that father actually exist. Then I was compelled by your story because the narrator was strong willed and vowed to never hurt anyone the way his father did. This is a trait I believe all men should seek to have. Job well done!
@Abby: I like your story and the mood it created for the reader. It made me feel the same as the father. I like how you described what the characters became. For example, "He became that same ignorant, loathe full, and impatient abuser..." and "she grew to be a druggie, a pleaser, a girl looking for appreciation." You had a great choice of words; it made the story powerful in a way. You mentioned that the scars would remind him of all the pain and anger his father had caused and help him change his ways but instead became the same abuser, do you think that it is a cycle that would continue (by his daughter and so on)?
ReplyDelete@Edith: I really enjoyed your story. There was one fragment though. ("From Kobe's leadership to Leo's mad skills.") I like how you compared his smile to the diamond encrusted watch. Overall, it was entertaining and worth reading. As a ticket takers point of view, how did he know about Cristiano Ronaldo's dream?
To Justin:your story was creative and you did a good job staying in 3rd person.I do think that you could have done a better on the plot.My question to you is do you belive in "magic."
ReplyDeleteTo Alex:your story was kind of confusing.You had a few misspelled words that were easy but maybe it was becasue you were in a rush.My question to you is who cut off his hands.
to janna:
ReplyDeleteThanks for comment and to answer your question yes it was based on my life experiences, actually every detail of the whole story was.
@Caylen: I liked your story very much. When it first began I thought to myself "Oh great he wrote another Ninja story." However, when I kept on reading on and finally read the conclusion I was laughing out loud. Nice and creative.
ReplyDelete@JC: I love the way you wrote the story. It felt I was reading something from a proffesional writer. You kind of put so I can actually hear what is going on.
nickey93: I liked your story and it was really sad. You told me what had happened and it came out to be really good once you posted it on the blog. I know it was really hard for you to write this because it was based on a true story. The tone of the story was sad. Since the topic is guilt, you know the story will not have a good ending. When you told me what happened, I can tell you still feel guilty about what happened even though it wasn't your fault. I can sense heartbreak and pain in your voice when you told me. You did have a few grammar mistakes, like run-ons.
ReplyDeleteoscar: I really liked your fiction Friday about hands because it was inspirational and made me realize how much I love my hands. I liked the details and examples you used, especially of Nick Vujicic. He was born with no hands or arms and shows people he can do what everyone can do if he sets his mind to it. He is an inspiration to all people and I can see where you got your title, "Never Give Up." I also liked how you quoted Nick, "When you fall, always get back up no matter what."
@Kyla Your story was short but i grabbed my attention so quickly.I was shocked with the ending of the story.I was also enjoyed the theme of your story which was karma from my understanding.
ReplyDelete@Oscar i enjoyed reading your story because it was motivational.It is one of those stories that you read and makes you focus on things your grateful for.
To Eric B.: I love your fiction friday story. The whole story was obviously funny, but very cute at the same time. I like the fact that you mentioned that no of them knew the other liked who. It just made the story that much better. The ending was very humorous with the boys being left alone. Awesome job Eric.
ReplyDeleteTo JC: Your sory is very descriptive and that just made all the better. I like the way you put various examples of how magic surrounds us. You pointed out what many don't and added excellent descrisptions. The imagery was really great! I especially like how you put an example of what you know(pianos) and the miracle of life with the baby. (I can relate to the second one). Nice job JC!
to Lena:i really liked your story it was very interesting and i also found it kind of funny. What would you do if you were the mom of Toby?would you get mad too?
ReplyDeleteto Alejandra A: i really love the friendship story you gave, there was a confusing part in there which said something about finding the game by the fence but then his mom buys a new one, what in the world happened to the old one? but i still liked your story and also the way you explained his lesson.
@ CHRISTOPHER: great story, you had a few grammatical errors but nothing too serious. I liked the fact that you took the fiction friday title literal abd wrote about a poker face. If you had a pair of kings spade and hearts and the river is ace,queen,and jack and there spades, but your opponet goes all in do you fold???
ReplyDelete@ OSCAR: great story I liked how you used a real life situation to show that even without arms and legs you can still succeed. Big question is when you fall will you be able to get up???